You're Still Here

Thoughts of you still linger in my mind, in my heart, and in my soul. Do I sound so sentimental? Yeh I think so. But why? Why do you always creep when all else has been forgotten. And yet I realized everything was not forgotten for you already spilled a tint in me and it won’t wash away. After all that come and go, thoughts of you did not fade. It just seeped into the corner-most area of my heart that I thought it’s gone but instead just hiding. I wanted you to know that you tainted my heart but I can’t ‘coz even if this feeling caused me pain, simple thoughts of you bring me joy... even in silence.

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I Didn't Go Home Last Night

I had no schedule yesterday and I was hoping I would receive an invitation even if it’s the least invitation at the last minute of my working time. I was sent greetings yet I received no invitation. I waited the whole day until Thea, well as usual my constant confidant and the only person I could exploit time, proposed me to help her in her endeavor. I immediately accepted for four reasons. First, I don’t want to render overtime that night. Second, I don’t want to go home early. Third, I already set my mind that someone might send me an invitation and I should come. Fourth, to kill time ‘coz I was damn bored of this routine.

Okay going back. I immediately went out the office and met my friend for dinner and off we went to the place to start working. We did some revisions on human resources modules. I planned of not staying in the hotel overnight but when Thea was advised she’ll stay alone in the room I volunteered to stay with her, phoned my mom that I won’t go home. At first she refused but when she heard Thea’s voice in the background she agreed. Maybe she thought I would be sleeping with somebody else. Hahaha. That was too way far to happen. That was the first time I didn’t go home after we did overnight projects in college.

I slept, oh sorry, I napped for almost two hours. Woke up near 5 in the morning and started facing the laptop and keying and revising the module again. We had breakfast in the hotel at 7AM; arrived home at 7:30AM. I felt like I was floating going home. I came to the office near 9AM, late for our staff development seminar. I was groggy… until now.

The seminar ended four in the afternoon yet I won’t go home early. I think I will be needing more time to relax myself. I felt always in search but don’t know what am I searching, or who for that sake. My body wanted to rest but my mind and heart don’t want to be occupied with thoughts of anything. Gotta free myself from those annoying thoughts before I break down again.

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The Cat Strolled

The cat was lost but now it found its way home. After four days of spending time in the vast area of the city, I never thought it would come back. I never even thought cats have brains where their memory resides and that they were able to come back lol. Well maybe it's just their animal instinct. After that they'll leave you again. But no time must be wasted. You have to spend time with the cat and fill those moments when it was not with you. So enjoy the time and excuse yourself from your dull life a while. So I did.

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Covering Up

There you stood before me wearing that Mona Lisa smile. You didn't capture me. I tried to smile back but my heart is not ready to do so. You gave me an open arms but I was uncomfortable getting near you. I did not feel anything special anymore. I become numb. "Numb? Really?", I asked myself. But deep inside me a hesitant voice says, "Or was I just covering up so I won't feel pain anymore." Coz I know if I let this emotion go on, I will be choked with pain again.

I would rather be passive than to take each moment seriously. Let time alone dictates where I should be going and what I should be getting 'coz my heart was too tired of falling deeply.

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Always Vague

Here I am sitting infront of my pc, trying to get over the feeling last night. Have I overcome it? That I must still find out.

Oh. It has been few days already since I was not disturbed. I don't know if it's good or bad news but all I know is I miss the fun and stupidity. lol. Well if it's not meant for me then let go. I hope there are still a lot to get along with life soon. Vague? Yes, that's what I aimed for. ;)

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Why Am I So Distracted?

And the deliberation started and ended tonight...

I thought after confessions of truth everything will just pass as if nothing happened. "Why am i so distracted?", I asked myself while playing a game in my phone. I got up and opened my pc and started talking to myself.

Sleeping beside the person I hardly knew at all is despicable. Is it too harsh? Okay I say, uncomfortable. Why such feeling? Is it jealousy or is it just a mere feeling of being betrayed by someone close to you? I was feeling fine after all the laughters and serious talk lately but when everybody else left, I felt everything was serious and I did not know how to place myself in the situation. More with the people around me who are mostly concerned. I was stuck. Words were trapped in my mind and they could not escape my mouth. How will I bring back again those times when everything was just normal. Yet I could not. And now I do not know how my loved ones took hold of the situation. I know they were just trying to hide the pain and frustrations. I can feel their anguish and dismay. I wish I could comfort them but I found no betters words or actions to make them feel better...

But then... it was still not the end. Everything was just a beginning.

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There's No Place Like Home

I was always searching for a place to rest. I traveled and meet many faces. I found one. I thought this is the place I was searching for so long but I was wrong. I haven’t found happiness and contentment. The place I once wanted but ignored seeped into my memories again. I felt a little bliss then sadness. Bliss because now I found what I have been searching. Sad, because I already abandoned the place.

Realizations do come at the end and now I am afraid I won’t be able to take back the place I used to own. Is someone already residing in that place? I regret to have ignored what I could have called my home.

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No Title

The day was no good. My colds caused me intense headache and I couldn’t work well.

Everyday becomes ordinary. No zest at all. I am floating. I am tired.

I was bombarded with notes today that caused me another stress. Don’t wanna be tagged all the time. Please spare me a little time for myself...


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Shocked

I was busy working with our newsletter when at exactly 2:01PM, I received a message from a friend's friend explaining something which I really don't care at all. How would you react to something that is beyond your control? I mean, this friend of mine has his life and I don't care if he messes it up. It's his. It happened a week ago but it became a big issue in their community today. I was shocked when I received the message. I was emotionally disturbed.

Then here comes his friend explaining his friend's side that I misunderstood his personality. That I misunderstood everything that night. I immediately responded with both tone of sophistication and respect that I do not care who he meets with. Mean but nice. I ignored all the messages but replied once. His friend says he was reprimanded and they talked with their elder brother the whole afternoon. Since then I haven’t received any messages. I still hope everything would come out ok. Haaaay….


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Friday Night Gaga

Oh was I able to share what happened last Friday night? Again, screwing up was screwed up! Why do I always have a planned night that screws up?

We were scheduled to watch EagleEye that night but went out frustrated as it was not showing yet. I was furious but I couldn't do anything, at all. The usual? Thea and I hibernated for a coffee at the mall until my friend and officemate came after two hours. We stood up to change place for dinner. He did not bring his car. I sighed. We took the taxi.

We chose dimsum for Thea to eat congee. No congee. Our eyes met and sighed. She ate rice instead. After dinner, we went to Blueposts for billiard and beer but the place was full so we were forced to stay outside for a bottle of beer. What could have happened that night? Everything just didn't go well with our plans. My officemate went home early as she was drowsy and tipsy after a hard day's work and the beer of course. The three of us went to my fave coffeeshop to stimulate us and stayed for an hour and a half. Then Thea and I send my friend home early as we were tired talking to him hehe. The two of us went back to the shop and met another friend of hers.

I better not plan for my nights as it always screw up. That night was not too fulfilling but at least we still beat the cinderella time. At least...

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What a Day!

Yipee! This is my last night of being a tutor. Finally I will be able to breathe and party tomorrow! hehe. I already miss my friends. We will be watching EagleEye then anything else follows.

Odd. I have received two good proposals today. Hope it will happen soon. Another thing, I received a text message from someone who seems to be accusing me as the OTHER WOMAN of her boyfriend or husband (maybe). Gee. I haven't even heard from the man for four years already. Good I dismissed the issue in a nice way.

So tired and sleepy. I needed an inspiration to lift me up but no one seems to show a little compassion for me. haaay... bogoshipda!

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For Three Nights

I have little patience teaching yet I never thought I have tried one last night. And to think I was extending tutor to two gradeschooler girls. It was an immediate response from a friend who was supposed to give the service but since she was not available, I was referred.

The night was a little difficult in my part as I did an impromptu review of what I learned in my elementary years. Whew! I realized teaching is not easy. Learning must take place in a short definite time as I was paid for the service.

I will be of service for three nights. That means I have to cut a little time for myself and to my friends. I have even thought of giving up but I already started it so I must finish. Also, the children depend on me. Haaay… jaa ganbarimasu!

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The Music Dies

Tell me how to bring the music back to my life. I am tired. I am fed up. I wanna loosen up and escape but too much ropes were tied on me. Help me get out of here. The room is getting darker and the music is slowly dying. Read more...

SPILLING? SPELLING?

Thea, before you spill everything out, I'm SPILLING it now! Is my SPELLING correct? hahahaha!

I went out with some friends last night to breathe a little. From the office yesterday afternoon, I met Thea at gmall, sipped coffee and had little conversation. My friend came and I introduced Thea. We had dinner and we were driven back to the office where my officemate was waiting for me. She badly needed someone to talk to so I went back. We went to gateway to had some drinks. In the middle of the conversation, I mispronounced the SPELLING as SPILLING. I looked at Thea and I began to laugh hard, harder. Thea too. But my friend and officemate plainly looked us at and began to wonder. Then we explained why. Thea was laughing hard, saying our English diction and grammar would soon become poor if we continue to converse with these people. We were laughing hard. She said we do not need to be very particular this time as we were talking to them. I became too conscious with my English then; trying to speak slowly and clearly so I won't be making mistakes. Boredom hit us so we changed place and did videoke. Before the midnight strike, we went home. We were driven home but I insist we just drop by at Thea's place. I instantly slept when i got home.

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Weak

Head. Back. Arms. Legs. The evil is slowly entering my feeble body. It cannot fight. It is drowning... Read more...

Trust and Honesty

TRUST and HONESTY. Do these two words go hand in hand? Why do we find it hard to be honest to someone close and dear to us? Are we afraid they get hurt or are we just afraid they won’t accept us after finding the truth?

They always say the truth will set you free but when will someone got the courage to set himself free? Bearing a sensitive issue is very difficult and heart-sobbing especially if it is kept alone. It is a great burden. I know. Yet, people chose to succumb themselves to these feelings than risk and confess what is truly in their hearts.

I wanted to tell him I am here. That I can be his confidant. That whatever it is that pains him I can be his comfort. Yet, the wall he built is too high to climb and too sturdy to break. “Let time and nature destroy it”, I told myself, hoping that it won’t be too late before everything else falls apart.

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Into the Other Realm

I have entered another unfamiliar world. The fear has once covered me but as I opened my eyes I have seen a wonderful and interesting world. It may not bring me deep but enough to be explored by an extraordinary person like me.

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Intoxicated

The intoxication lingers on me as I woke up this morning. It stings my head and heats my body. Should I get up or stay lay awake? I realized I had my share of rest so I must get up and do the tasks.

Here I am trying to be sober but a bang in my head pulses indefinitely.

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Three Nights in a Row Plus One Two and a Half

You have spent three nights with yourself but you actually don't. You enjoyed those times but wasted them. But would last night change your life this year? Will the moment you have been waiting for arrive?

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Over a cup of Coffee

One cup is what I needed. It has been a month I had not sipped coffee with some friends. Thank God I was temporarily drawn back from life’s boredom and constant grievances.

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On Her Two-Thirds Part

“Finish reading the book or you will lose time”, a voice told her. She finished twenty-pages and she decided to lock herself in the room to concentrate more. She has no other time to spare reading so she must finish it, yet she was still on her two-thirds part as she was too sleepy and could not comprehend anymore.

She had always wanted to read the book until she realized that her second mind was occupying the thought of visiting her home and talking something about life.

SECOND MIND. She bumped into these words twenty-one and a half hours ago. “It can do with anything. If you’re in love with someone, you can have that person inside your head. The same thing happens with someone you want to forget about. But the second mind is a tough thing to deal with. It’s at work regardless of whether you want it to be or not...”

“We’re always impassioned about something… Have you had someone you loved stick in your mind? It’s really terrible when that happens. You travel, you try to forget, but your second mind keeps saying: “Oh, he would really love that!” “Oh, if only he were here”

“The second mind was there, barring the entrance, with its repetitive ideas, its unimportant problems, its melodies, it financial problems, its unresolved passions.”

“Don’t fight your thoughts. They are stronger than you are. If you want to rid yourself of them, accept them. Think about what they want you to think of about until they grow tired.”

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What's in a name, BRIONI?

The television was awake the whole day with FTv switched. Watching this channel makes people insecure. (count me in) But as they said, it's all about 'mind over matter' so I did (we did) watch it. From the luxurious fashion capital Milan to global fashion shows, we have seen them. Watching the show made me want to imitate the fashion but then again looking back to where I will be walking and where I will be working , I realized it won't fit me. It will be very ironic to dress lavishly and riding jeepneys. Taxis are expensive nowadays and it will make my wallet sick to be riding them everyday. It's better to dress accordingly to my environment hehe.

But then... models from the runway displayed outfits that are very likable. I lovvvvve the styles. Mini-dresses and hippy working outfits of which colors are safe to wear. The shoes are superb too. The name BRIONI at the right-uppermost part of the screen caught us. I then searched for the brand on the internet. The official site is yet to be anticipated. It is an Italian line founded by Nazareno Fonticoli which was named after a Croatian islands of Brijuni (pronounced Brioni). I learned that big men Pierce Brosnan, Samuel L. Jackson and Donald Trump are among their clients. Whew! This is a very luxurious brand I say. This brand is a must to await for.

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