My heart is BLUE

I needed to take a break for now. My heart is almost in the situation of getting hurt with no apparent reason. Well, I knew the reason but the reason itself is unreasonable. Whew! Unreasonable because she was not even taken a glance yet she acted like she was already owned by someone. I must back off a bit to avoid being emotionally exhausted. No thing has started yet but my heart is almost falling in the dark. I must not let it happen so for now until next week, I told her to rest. I reminisce some events and talks with him but with caution, not letting my heart sink to it as to guard her from the pain it might cause her in the future. Pain with no assurance that she will be loved and taken cared of by the man she likes, or even small attention from him for that matter. He left her unnoticed and hurting.

I must go back to who I was and when my heart is ready to face him, I will come out strong in the open. When that time comes, I wish I am ready to disclose my heart to someone who'll fetch her on the ground.
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My Fill-Ins

This tag was passed on to me by Vinkoy, tenchu

Players : Beb YOUR BLOG WHERE YOU POST THIS TAG

My roommate and I once: slept together. vinx gisundog nko imo answer. pero dili ta roommate ha. clarify lang hehehe

Never in my life have I: ehem... eaten a plate hehe

High school was: memorable. I had great friends

When I’m nervous: I talk fast. Sometimes I stutter.

My hair: is straight. :D

When I was 5: I can't remember any

When I turn my head left: I faced left.

I should be: finding my match this year tsk tsk

By this time next year: I will move out this dungeon

My favorite aunt is: Auntie Bren? asus..

I have a hard time understanding: Nihongo

You know I like you if: I don't talk to you. ngek

My ideal breakfast is: anything. I don't eat sometimes

If you visit my home town: I'll treat you coffee

If you spend the night at my house: You must bring lots of food!

The animal I would like to see flying besides birds: carabao?

I shouldn’t have been: too involved with my emotions

Last night I: drink coffee with chet

A better name for me would be: stupid

I’ve been told I look like: an Indian (Bombay kun baga)

If I could have any car, it would be: Ford Lynx

I’ll be passing this tag to Chet, Molit, Sir Talz and She..

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I hibernated

It's as if yesterday was just an overnight sleep and then I woke up it's already Monday. I have slept all day. I scheduled myself to study Nihongo yesterday but found myself lying on bed and sleeping. It'snot bad after all at least I have regained my energy (partly). So now I'm back for work even if it's holiday. Gotta finish some loads of tasks before another one piles up. I have to check my boss' laptop too. Jaa, gotta work!
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I'm Spinning

I don't understand the feeling I am drowned with tonight. Everything just seems so blurry that I feel I am choking by every bit of pain and anxieties. Can hardly breathe and my heart feels chained. I lose focus in my work if I continue to be like this, unreasonably hurting. I have to accomplish a big responsibility on Friday so my mind must be fixed with the goal. Tomorrow I will be facing one of the hands of the huge guest we will be having this Friday. I still have to set myself for tomorrow's welcome. Dear heart, please be tamed. Help me.

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Stop her please!

She feels so weak again… Why does she always feel this way? I thought she was fine after she found what longs her but it pains her even more finding out the past is not the same anymore. Sometimes she wished she should have expressed what’s inside her but her courage is not enough to tell everyone how she feels. And now, she’s stuck again in her room weeping… suppressing... every bit of emotional distress that eats her. Will someone tell her to stop before she gets dumped in the middle nowhere? Coz I… cannot stop her this time… :(

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Let Me Know How You Flirt

Sometimes I wish I could speak like Ryan Gosling when he said “I want all of you. Forever. Every day.” to Rachel McAdams in The Notebook. But of course I would love it hear it more than saying it. No kidding! :D

How skillful are you at flirting? Do you think you can get that Someone you like with words that will melt his or her heart? Then you must test your skills by playing Extreme Style by VO5's Ultimate Flirting Championship. I have played the game. Seems like I needed to grasp a few knowledge and skills though. *sigh! Well, it’s gonna be your time to play!

You may visit Victory Hair or Ultimate Flirting Championship

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My Rose is in Bloom

How happy I am seeing my rose still alive and blooming. A florist gave us a rose each and we placed them on our desks. After four days, the only rose that blooms and beautifully stood is mine. Can you believe the energy we exude affects these flowers too? Hmmm.. What energy could have came out of me that this rose is still in bloom? well...

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Emotionally...

I actually do not know how I feel tonight. I am emotionally tired and confused. Is it because I felt too drained this afternoon or is it just because of an immature something? I thought I have accomplished my tasks this afternoon but a simple yet important communication failed to be submitted. And here came another immaturity of me that I kept suppressing to avoid getting hurt. Let me not dwell on this exhausting emotion for now because my weak body could not take painful and exhausting emotions anymore.I feel numb tonight. (or was I just trying to be numb?) I wanted to rest. Rest ‘til my body retires from this exhausting duty I must accomplish. Rest ‘til my heart finds its home.

Honestly at this moment in time, my mind is wandering nowhere and I do not want to box myself in another self communicating activities. I don’t want to dwell about anything coz it makes me weaker. I cannot endure any pain right now. I can’t. I want to keep busy ‘til I unconsciously lay and sleep coz the more I think of it, the more it succumbs me to suffer. It makes me more exhausted. My heart is weeping but I do not want anything nor anybody to enter her right now. Please let me rest a while. Just for one night. And when I wake up tomorrow, I hope the sun will greet me with bright smile. Give me strength… please...
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I wanna go home!

It's exactly 11:07 in the evening now and here I am still trapped in this dungeon. How I wish I could escape but the rope tied on my legs is too tight for me to loosen. My back seemed weak to support my body. It aches. It searched for my bed. Even too weak to make this journal. I wanna go home!!!

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Where are you friends?

I met Excitement yesterday and she brought me joy that I could not imagine. I thought the days have passed and everything was just a memory of nothing but when we met, she gave me inspiration to live bright, to live each day with life. I was so happy then. But everything (or at least part) changed when I bumped with Anxiety this evening. For the last two years, she was my adversary. I distant myself to a world I wished to be a part of, to live in. But here she is again, speaking to me like another world will fall. I wish I can meet a good old friend to keep me strong, to encourage me to live life again. That everything is a game, you'll never know if you will win unless you play it.

Now I am calling my friends to please give me strength to face the world again. Please...
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