Move Still

"Move still!", someone yelled at me. How can that be possible? I was moving toward somewhere I am not capable of going. (Am I?) Stuck in this so called madness, struggling to escape, but realized that the only medication was to face the mirror. Scream!!! I need to break the glass that imprisoned this beating thing. Will you help me do it? Read more...

Best Unrevealed

Sometimes when we thought it's best to know everything around us, it is still far better that innocence prevails. Look at how little children live care-free. Pleasantry is always there. They don't have worries, insecurities, problems, anxieties, jealousy. They enjoy what is offered to them. And when we see them play, it also fills us joy.

When we try to escape from the things we don't want to hear or see, they make visible unexpectedly, accidentally, or coincidentally. Discovery is natural. And when we are faced with these circumstances, for as much as we want confrontation, we stop and keep them to ourselves. And yes, for as much as we want to breathe, our hearts are constricted and we are hurt, hurting illogically.

Then we realize we are not allowing happiness to enter our hearts. And we realize love that should be living in our hearts. Read more...

Headache

I am constantly having headache these past few days and so I end up doing nothing in a day. Shall I blame it to excessive heat? exhaustion? intense emotions? or unceasing thinking? Maybe all. I still have lots to comply on my graduate school requirements in a crunch time and I am wondering if I can finish them all or just surrender. But the cons is that I need to spend (not to forget "wasting") another time and money to enroll on it again.

I am worrying a lot now and this somehow lowers my energy to face each day, when I should be looking up on it with vigor. I better stop thinking with many things so I can stay relaxed and keep away from possible illness. I should keep fit! Read more...

Counting Down Part 2

I barely have a couple of days to enjoy a vacation. Yipeeee! Will I enjoy it knowing that I have lots of responsibilities to do? Whew! I need to finish them, or at least work on it, on my last few busy days although I know this "busy" thing won't really get rid of me. I love it though, it makes me feel worthy :D Oh Well, I really should start doing things now. Read more...

Worried Again

My dog isn't well yet and I am totally worried. =( When I hold her she almost doesn't have strength to open her eyes. She is really ill. She is taking her medication for a week now and her fever is still there. Her cough returned. She is taken cared by my two nurse sisters yet she is still sick. I'll send her again to her doctor tomorrow to have her checked even if her schedule is still next Monday. I really hope she regains her strength. I really miss her. It pains me seeing her in this condition. =( Read more...

Wednesday is coming!!!

I suddenly felt nervous when I remembered the day I will be submitting my Graduate Studies requirements, the word "Wednesday" struck me. Yes, you read it right, Wednesday. What's with Wednesday anyway? You might ask. This might mark the difference I will soon face. The day is not related to my studies, however. A different path is anticipating me near this day. I felt like I am confined in this very small corner where I need to to crunch myself and hide a bit. Am I just confused or scared? I totally don't know. All I know is that a lot of emotions filled me. I am trying to reject any thoughts of fear, thoughts playing about future because it just scares me but somehow they are juggling over me. Whew! I have been wanting this so long but now, many circumstances and opportunities just came that I do not know if what I wanted was still the same. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful with what Life has bestowed on me. I am just in a state where I need to choose over staying and risking. Whatever it is, I just need to accept whatever fate I will face, if that is what planned for me. I just need another sign. I am crossing my fingers for it. =D Read more...

Regaining Strength

I'm happy and a bit relieved that my dog is now regaining her strength. She took her 4 shots of injections to boost her immune system last Saturday and yesterday she started her medication and vitamins. Although it was a bit pain on my wallet, it was erased when I saw her last night sneaked at the kitchen and nibbling on chicken bones. I was glad she was able to eat again. Whew! Though she still has her cough and slight fever, at least she now has the appetite. Hopefully she will get well soon. Read more...

Wishi is Sick =(

It crushes my heart hearing and seeing my dog suffering from her illness. It pains me. Everytime I hear her cough and vomit, I can't stop but worry about her. She has been sick for a week now and just yesterday we sent her to clinic to have her checked. My sister told me, according to the doctor, that she is suffering a viral infection that is fatal. Upon hearing those words I really can't stop worrying. She had fever 39C and doesn't want to eat. We are spoon-feeding her so that somehow her stomach is filled. I am really worried about her coz she's getting thinner. ;-( If only I can do anything for her this time.. This really saddens me. Read more...

Counting the Days

It just dawned on me that few days are left before I step out and see a different world. Although I do not consider it long-term, at least the thought of having to see a new place and new faces excites me. It will be something that will register in my life. A lot of things I am anticipating and a lot of things to bring me surprises. And although there are still couple of important things I need to face before embarking on this journey, I am still hopeful that I can get through with them in a short span and find means and reasons to finally enjoy everything. Read more...

The Sign

I once asked for a sign if something I wanted is for me. And then I got this moment to ask for the last sign. It would be now or never. The first sign was a "go" and so I was happy that it would be given to me. But then a twist of fate arrived and I was caught off-guarded at that moment. In just a short span of time, it turned into a "no". Yet, I was still hopeful. I was waiting for another sign. I saw one, yet it was fading. Then I realized it was not meant for me at all. I then started teaching myself to let go of it for I knew I will never have it anymore. And yes, I did. I let it go.

If not for that sign, I won't be here happy and contented. Things really happened on purpose. We just have to believe that when some things stop for us, new things come for the better. Read more...