Worried Again

My dog isn't well yet and I am totally worried. =( When I hold her she almost doesn't have strength to open her eyes. She is really ill. She is taking her medication for a week now and her fever is still there. Her cough returned. She is taken cared by my two nurse sisters yet she is still sick. I'll send her again to her doctor tomorrow to have her checked even if her schedule is still next Monday. I really hope she regains her strength. I really miss her. It pains me seeing her in this condition. =( Read more...

Merry Weakmass

I was supposed to buy gifts today for our kriskringle for tonight but I was not able to wake up early this morning. I have not even picked up the CD I asked from a friend. My body is weak. A shiver in my bones is felt.

The rain seems not to go away this time.

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Short-term Amnesia?

Whew! Where have all those previous writings came from? I seemed to be a stranger to what I wrote in this site. lol. But really, I have difficulty remembering. Or maybe I was just too exhausted today to remember anything. hehe

The world last night put me into a stance that I woke up drained this morning. Whew! I could have slept in the office but I must not.

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An Escape with Punishment

Yesterday, I have escaped a while from the day’s labor but I think I have been punished too. *sigh… My head ached intensely last night that I felt very dizzy and almost throw up. Maybe the intensity of the day’s heat caused that dizziness. I was with my constant confidant the whole day exhausting ourselves with anything just to kill the time. After dinner with her family, I excused myself and went home ahead. The intense pain knocked me off as soon as I arrived home.

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You're Still Here

Thoughts of you still linger in my mind, in my heart, and in my soul. Do I sound so sentimental? Yeh I think so. But why? Why do you always creep when all else has been forgotten. And yet I realized everything was not forgotten for you already spilled a tint in me and it won’t wash away. After all that come and go, thoughts of you did not fade. It just seeped into the corner-most area of my heart that I thought it’s gone but instead just hiding. I wanted you to know that you tainted my heart but I can’t ‘coz even if this feeling caused me pain, simple thoughts of you bring me joy... even in silence.

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I Didn't Go Home Last Night

I had no schedule yesterday and I was hoping I would receive an invitation even if it’s the least invitation at the last minute of my working time. I was sent greetings yet I received no invitation. I waited the whole day until Thea, well as usual my constant confidant and the only person I could exploit time, proposed me to help her in her endeavor. I immediately accepted for four reasons. First, I don’t want to render overtime that night. Second, I don’t want to go home early. Third, I already set my mind that someone might send me an invitation and I should come. Fourth, to kill time ‘coz I was damn bored of this routine.

Okay going back. I immediately went out the office and met my friend for dinner and off we went to the place to start working. We did some revisions on human resources modules. I planned of not staying in the hotel overnight but when Thea was advised she’ll stay alone in the room I volunteered to stay with her, phoned my mom that I won’t go home. At first she refused but when she heard Thea’s voice in the background she agreed. Maybe she thought I would be sleeping with somebody else. Hahaha. That was too way far to happen. That was the first time I didn’t go home after we did overnight projects in college.

I slept, oh sorry, I napped for almost two hours. Woke up near 5 in the morning and started facing the laptop and keying and revising the module again. We had breakfast in the hotel at 7AM; arrived home at 7:30AM. I felt like I was floating going home. I came to the office near 9AM, late for our staff development seminar. I was groggy… until now.

The seminar ended four in the afternoon yet I won’t go home early. I think I will be needing more time to relax myself. I felt always in search but don’t know what am I searching, or who for that sake. My body wanted to rest but my mind and heart don’t want to be occupied with thoughts of anything. Gotta free myself from those annoying thoughts before I break down again.

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Covering Up

There you stood before me wearing that Mona Lisa smile. You didn't capture me. I tried to smile back but my heart is not ready to do so. You gave me an open arms but I was uncomfortable getting near you. I did not feel anything special anymore. I become numb. "Numb? Really?", I asked myself. But deep inside me a hesitant voice says, "Or was I just covering up so I won't feel pain anymore." Coz I know if I let this emotion go on, I will be choked with pain again.

I would rather be passive than to take each moment seriously. Let time alone dictates where I should be going and what I should be getting 'coz my heart was too tired of falling deeply.

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Why Am I So Distracted?

And the deliberation started and ended tonight...

I thought after confessions of truth everything will just pass as if nothing happened. "Why am i so distracted?", I asked myself while playing a game in my phone. I got up and opened my pc and started talking to myself.

Sleeping beside the person I hardly knew at all is despicable. Is it too harsh? Okay I say, uncomfortable. Why such feeling? Is it jealousy or is it just a mere feeling of being betrayed by someone close to you? I was feeling fine after all the laughters and serious talk lately but when everybody else left, I felt everything was serious and I did not know how to place myself in the situation. More with the people around me who are mostly concerned. I was stuck. Words were trapped in my mind and they could not escape my mouth. How will I bring back again those times when everything was just normal. Yet I could not. And now I do not know how my loved ones took hold of the situation. I know they were just trying to hide the pain and frustrations. I can feel their anguish and dismay. I wish I could comfort them but I found no betters words or actions to make them feel better...

But then... it was still not the end. Everything was just a beginning.

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No Title

The day was no good. My colds caused me intense headache and I couldn’t work well.

Everyday becomes ordinary. No zest at all. I am floating. I am tired.

I was bombarded with notes today that caused me another stress. Don’t wanna be tagged all the time. Please spare me a little time for myself...


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Weak

Head. Back. Arms. Legs. The evil is slowly entering my feeble body. It cannot fight. It is drowning... Read more...