The Other

I stayed on bed for an hour trying to shut my body from that unplanned night. I failed. I stood up and finished reading the book I recently bought. I still can't sleep. What's wrong with me. Oops, I must have overslept that afternoon I remembered. I would love to believe that everything was just fine. It was actually, but my brain oftentimes wanted to speak to me. My heart isn't just ready for the confrontation. So now I know why. My body can't rest because these two are battling over me.

I observed the woman I had been up until then: weak but trying to give the impression of strength. Fearful of everything but telling herself it wasn't fear - it was the wisdom of someone who knew what reality was. Putting up shutters in front of windows to keep the joy of the sun from entering - just so the sun's rays wouldn't fade my old furniture.

The gods throw the dice, and they don't ask whether we want to be in the game or not. They don't care if when you go, you leave behind a lover, a home, a career, or a dream. The gods don't care whether you have it all, whether it seems that your every desire can be met through hard work and persistence. The gods don't want to know about your plans and your hopes. Somewhere they're throwing the dice - and you are chosen. From then on, winning or losing is only a question of luck.

'I am just like everyone else who listens to their heart: a person who is enchanted by the mystery of life. Who is open to miracles, who experiences joy and enthusiasm for what they do. It's just that the Other, afraid of disappointment, kept me from taking action... But there is suffering... And there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you're fighting for.'

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I Filed a Divorce

It was a decision difficult to make. Actually, right now I really don't know at all. I was as sturdy as narra but now, a little fear shone on me. (i'll get over it soonest) Leaving a long-time partner is a paralysis somehow. My world revolved around him for so long. It gave me a little of comfort and security. But they were not enough to let me feel loved. Now, only hope I can rely on. Hoping that somewhere, somehow, sometime, a good partner will finally see my worth, take care and love me the way I wanted.

But there is no time to waste for every tick of second's hand is significant as life itself. I must be free from his powers, from his oppression, from his coldness, from his silence. And today is the fulfillment of the partial freedom I was asking. It was a courageous decision over a difficult situation.

Love is something that is shared two-way. It is never one-sided. I am tired. I must remove this chain in my heart. It is not breathing... It is not growing... It is not loving... at all. I hate to leave you, especially the people that I also came to love. Yet I will. I must. I should.


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In Time, We'll Know

The intensity of the heat yesterday caused me intense headache that I slept nearly 6 in the evening. Waking up today, the pain has not subsided yet. I was still holding on with the pain in the office not until I found out something. The emotions maybe more intense than what my physique is feeling coz I can no longer feel the bang in my head but the bang in my heart.

I have no right to neither get mad nor blame anyone for that matter. I do not even know how I feel at this moment. Maybe there are just few things that we cannot expect everyone to tell us. As we said, there are reasons for such to happen. In time, we will know. We just have to wait. Wait for someone to open up and tell us everything. And here we stay, waiting…

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An Escape with Punishment

Yesterday, I have escaped a while from the day’s labor but I think I have been punished too. *sigh… My head ached intensely last night that I felt very dizzy and almost throw up. Maybe the intensity of the day’s heat caused that dizziness. I was with my constant confidant the whole day exhausting ourselves with anything just to kill the time. After dinner with her family, I excused myself and went home ahead. The intense pain knocked me off as soon as I arrived home.

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No Title

The day was no good. My colds caused me intense headache and I couldn’t work well.

Everyday becomes ordinary. No zest at all. I am floating. I am tired.

I was bombarded with notes today that caused me another stress. Don’t wanna be tagged all the time. Please spare me a little time for myself...


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Intoxicated

The intoxication lingers on me as I woke up this morning. It stings my head and heats my body. Should I get up or stay lay awake? I realized I had my share of rest so I must get up and do the tasks.

Here I am trying to be sober but a bang in my head pulses indefinitely.

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