No people find contentment. We always look for something that gives us challenge and happiness. Something that fills us. Yes, contentment and happiness go together. The things that make us happy are the things that fulfill our wants and needs. Something we dream of. Something we crave of. Something we desire of.
When I thought I have settled for something, I realized in the end that something is missing in me. To cope with it, I fill my thoughts and emotions with strength, with will, with determination that I will and can live with the present and accept what it is bringing me. But then, thoughts of randomness began to fill me and it won't go away. Thoughts that I wanted to have, to become, to try that I believe will deliberate me from this longing, from this endless dream, from this constant what-ifs for so long. I tried to recover my strength and act that I am doing great but a pierce in my heart brought me back to my consciousness. Then I told myself, "I am not okay." Tears then ran down my cheek.