Starting Anew

Just to give a little update of my life (coz I’ve been sleeping for a few days now), I have started to create a new, well very different, day schedule. I finally able to unlock the chain I myself did for a long time. I have started to move on, although it was harder to welcome a new life than to leave the past behind. But everybody must let there lives be shone by new light even if that means shedding of our shields and feel and experience what new life has to bring us. Just as I said saying hello is harder than saying goodbye.

Taking new chances mean redressing the past and starting anew. I have grown with goodbyes, I thought so. Maybe because for quite some time I have taught myself that nothing remains the same forever. We have to grow and we have to change. That is why we cast off security for a room of love and growth. And even this new life is far different from what I have lived, I think I would love it. I’m gonna love it.

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The Reciprocal of Love is Death

Valentine’s Day is just three days to go. This means another year or months for lovers in love. I previously wrote blessed are those who celebrate it and miseries for none. I was referring to those who have no beaux to celebrate it at all. I was not expecting that there are also those who ended up loving before that day strikes. I apologize if I have overlooked such incident. It is a painful event when a person you truly love leaves you. And I grieve with you.

Someone told me that the reciprocal of love is not hate, it’s the absence of it. Then an incident came. The word DEATH strikes me. Could the reciprocal of love replace Nothing with Death?

I read a line from someone intimate of someone intimate to me. Was that understood? Well, I leave that vagueness. The tone implies ‘I can live without you but that would be a life full of miseries’. Then came a time that the person she loves left her in abrupt. She cannot take it. Dying, she thought, was the best way to escape life. I thought she would live in miseries but why escape that life through death? When all we could think death is the best way to free us from miseries, that would be a wrong notion. Worst when we commit suicide and yet we failed to achieve the sting of death. It worsens your being. It worsens the view of people around you. Good if you are able to cope up with the trial and renew yourself once more.

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (Love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

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I Fear Hello

I have learned that saying goodbye is easier than saying hello.

We are afraid to fly. We are afraid to commit. We wanted to leave the darkness but the light in the open will penetrate the eyes and blind them; so we decided to close them once again.

We wanted to get out of the cave but the moment we step closer toward the beautiful but unfamiliar world, we stop and prefer to have both feet standing still.

We wanted to grow. We wanted to change. But when change came and opportunity opened its doors, we often hoped that they have not come at all; so we don’t have to welcome them.

Some people, after deciding to leave a part of them behind, regret after saying goodbye. They wished they had stayed behind than to face a new world before them.

Why do we prefer to stay on the ground than to climb a fewer steps? Why do we lose strength building something new when we have struggled to get out of the old and live anew?

Fear is what overshadows us. Fear that we might not cope with the changes. Fear that we might not live well. Fear that we might fail. Fear that we have not made changes at all. That living a new life, of starting anew, is another struggle more difficult than turning our back to the things and people we left, to the old ones we once were.

Because we know that staying on the ground is far safer than climbing with no harness at all.

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I Wanna Go To A Place

I was playing my ongaku folder today which I just copied from a friend, realizing that the songs I was playing were all sad ones. I ran across heartaches and goodbyes. Then I met Yui and Rie Fu.

I Wanna Go To A Place
I Remember You



I Wanna Go To A Place
by: Rie Fu

I wanna to a place where I can say
That I'm all right and I'm staying there with you
I wanna know if there could be anyway
That there's no fight, and I'm safe and sound with you]

And everytime I look, I thought you were there,
But it was just my imagination
I don't see it anymore cause I see thru you now

imademo kidzukanai deshou kono shizuka na sora ni
itsudemo omoidasu kedo mou doko nimo modorenai

soshite zutto kokoro de samete sotto kidzuite
itsuka kitto yasashisa mietekuru you ni

What's stopping me? I get stuck again
Is it really OK? It's never OK for me
What's got into me? I get lost again
Is it really OK? It's never going to be

soshite motto sagashite me no mae ni kidzuite
asu wa kitto kazamuki mo kawaru you ni
kaze ga sotto sasayaku ugomeku nowa kono daichi
mayawanaide yasashisa mietekuru you ni

And every time I look, I thought you were there,
But it was just my imagination
I don't see it anymore cause I see thru you now

I wanna go to a place where I can say
That I'm all right and I'm staying there with you

_____________________________________________________________

I wanna to a place where I can say
That I'm all right and I'm staying there with you
I wanna know if there could be anyway
That there's no fight, and I'm safe and sound with you]

And everytime I look, I thought you were there,
But it was just my imagination
I don't see it anymore cause I see thru you now

Even now you still haven't noticed this quiet sky
I am always thinking of it, but I can no longer return to there

And I will always be awake in my heart, gently taking notice
That someday I will be able to see kindness

What's stopping me? I get stuck again
Is it really OK? It's never OK for me
What's got into me? I get lost again
Is it really OK? It's never going to be

And I will search harder to realize the things in front of my eyes
Even the wind's direction will surely change tomorrow
The wind whispers gently, the one that moves is the earth
Find the way and I will be able to see kindness

And every time I look, I thought you were there,
But it was just my imagination
I don't see it anymore cause I see thru you now

I wanna go to a place where I can say
That I'm all right and I'm staying there with you

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Nightmares for Daljas

With the world revolving, another month awaits the living. It's February again and soon the air will be filled with love. Fortunate are those who can celebrate that day with their special someone. Blissful are they. Miseries for those who have none? Nah that’s too harsh…

After reminding my sisters that next month is a love fever, the house was filled with laughter. It would be a nightmare, my younger sister said. Another emptiness, for the society celebrates it even if it is not officially declared. The Daljas would end up staring at the window again waiting for no one to hand them flowers or even greetings. Although we don’t regard it as something significant. It’s no big deal. Really. Some are just used to those times because they are just like any ordinary days they had. Like no other days are special, except of course on birthdays which they specially celebrate plus the Christmas and New Year with the whole family. Yet, I believe that there is still a longing of the heart to seek for its half. I admit.

Some people regard the hearts day as special while others just plainly consider it ordinary. Me? I am caught up in the middle. I told a friend I better receive no invitation than be invited with someone I don’t like. Seems like I will be filled with goosebumps that time. So it is better to be alone during that day than to be with someone I don’t want to be with. That’s better than sticking my ass with that someone. It will be a misery. I am not harsh. That’s just how I feel. *grin

Alone or not during hearts day, it doesn’t matter at all. (just pretending to be ok hahaha)

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