Best Unrevealed

Sometimes when we thought it's best to know everything around us, it is still far better that innocence prevails. Look at how little children live care-free. Pleasantry is always there. They don't have worries, insecurities, problems, anxieties, jealousy. They enjoy what is offered to them. And when we see them play, it also fills us joy.

When we try to escape from the things we don't want to hear or see, they make visible unexpectedly, accidentally, or coincidentally. Discovery is natural. And when we are faced with these circumstances, for as much as we want confrontation, we stop and keep them to ourselves. And yes, for as much as we want to breathe, our hearts are constricted and we are hurt, hurting illogically.

Then we realize we are not allowing happiness to enter our hearts. And we realize love that should be living in our hearts. Read more...

Wednesday is coming!!!

I suddenly felt nervous when I remembered the day I will be submitting my Graduate Studies requirements, the word "Wednesday" struck me. Yes, you read it right, Wednesday. What's with Wednesday anyway? You might ask. This might mark the difference I will soon face. The day is not related to my studies, however. A different path is anticipating me near this day. I felt like I am confined in this very small corner where I need to to crunch myself and hide a bit. Am I just confused or scared? I totally don't know. All I know is that a lot of emotions filled me. I am trying to reject any thoughts of fear, thoughts playing about future because it just scares me but somehow they are juggling over me. Whew! I have been wanting this so long but now, many circumstances and opportunities just came that I do not know if what I wanted was still the same. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful with what Life has bestowed on me. I am just in a state where I need to choose over staying and risking. Whatever it is, I just need to accept whatever fate I will face, if that is what planned for me. I just need another sign. I am crossing my fingers for it. =D Read more...

Regaining Strength

I'm happy and a bit relieved that my dog is now regaining her strength. She took her 4 shots of injections to boost her immune system last Saturday and yesterday she started her medication and vitamins. Although it was a bit pain on my wallet, it was erased when I saw her last night sneaked at the kitchen and nibbling on chicken bones. I was glad she was able to eat again. Whew! Though she still has her cough and slight fever, at least she now has the appetite. Hopefully she will get well soon. Read more...

Counting the Days

It just dawned on me that few days are left before I step out and see a different world. Although I do not consider it long-term, at least the thought of having to see a new place and new faces excites me. It will be something that will register in my life. A lot of things I am anticipating and a lot of things to bring me surprises. And although there are still couple of important things I need to face before embarking on this journey, I am still hopeful that I can get through with them in a short span and find means and reasons to finally enjoy everything. Read more...

The Sign

I once asked for a sign if something I wanted is for me. And then I got this moment to ask for the last sign. It would be now or never. The first sign was a "go" and so I was happy that it would be given to me. But then a twist of fate arrived and I was caught off-guarded at that moment. In just a short span of time, it turned into a "no". Yet, I was still hopeful. I was waiting for another sign. I saw one, yet it was fading. Then I realized it was not meant for me at all. I then started teaching myself to let go of it for I knew I will never have it anymore. And yes, I did. I let it go.

If not for that sign, I won't be here happy and contented. Things really happened on purpose. We just have to believe that when some things stop for us, new things come for the better. Read more...

Waking up Late

I am now facing this problem of waking up late. I usually woke up six in the morning and do the chores but these past few days, I wake up 8 or 9. And when in the past I only get to sleep four hours, now, I sleep 8hours. This is not doing me good. Everytime I sleep more than 6 hours, it's making me weak and lazy the whole day. I think I should watch my eating habit and constant usage of computer. These might be the culprits. Read more...

Great Heart-pumping Adventure

I felt the sudden rush of blood when my heart beat faster as I slide the 40-meter waterslide of Maxima in Penaplata, Samal. One thing that hit me when I was about in the middle of the slide was the hope that the time stops or pauses so I can still hold my breath, relax and compose, and then scream again. Yet, I was in real time. I have no magic to to hold the time in my hand. I really don't know what to do but to just fervently hope that I fall in the water in a second's split so I could cast the fear I felt and end this craziness. It was like a slide of my life, a suicidal attempt. I even felt I won't be able to come up the water after I fell. Whew! I will never do that again! Once is enough to feel the thrill, I think.


After the water slide, we went up for the monkey bridge adventure. It was a 3-part bridge and at the end is a rappel going down. When I was still a spectator, I was confident that I can cross the bridge running in just a minute. At first steps I was doing and walking well. My grip was very tight so I can have my balance. But when I was in the middle of the first bridge, the men assisting me even jumped and ran across the bridge to scare me. I was like screaming the whole time! "Wait! Stop moving!!!", I screamed, with my knees trembling. They did this over and over until I finished crossing the three bridges. "Finally!", I said in a sigh as I reached the end point of the third bridge. My shoulders drooped and I felt my body was giving up. I was bathed in sweat. But it was a fulfillment crossing it. On a rappel, another thrill filled me. Trying to be strong, I hid my fear on a smile while gripping the rope as I was hanged. Going down, the man suddenly loosen the rope that I felt like I was about to hit the ground unconscious! Another scream. Whew! But I realized it felt good to be screaming all the time. lol

I have fear on heights but these I tried so I can test myself and conquer my fear. I am trying to feel what danger is. This also connotes giving in to risks in life. Well, I really had a wonderful experience today! One of the best. ;) But if I were to ask for a second and the same adventure, I will definitely not be sliding again. =D

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Great Night with Two Circles

I felt odd that I woke up so late today. Thanks to my friend who sent me SMS when it was almost 12nn. I was wondering why. I have not stressed myself too well yesterday. I even slept on my usual hours. Could it be because I have no obligation today? Or should I blame it to my excessive eating last night? Ah yes, it might be. I was like pigging out.

At 9:40PM, I went out and had dinner with my friends after the day's responsibilities. And I mean real meal, with rice. Then after a few minutes, I had to leave them to meet another group for our scheduled bonding moment. And that meant I had to fill my stomach again.

I had a wonderful night with the Team. I was the only rose among the thorns, so to speak, but we had a great time. We were on Italian and Mexican food mode. I was always craving for pizza, I don't know why. One of them even told me he didn't think I can eat well. I told him, "My stomach is expandable". He laughed. Indeed, I was amazed I was the only one eating left, they got full easily.

My friends came over and stayed at the other table. I joined their group after the Team bonding.

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A New Chapter

It's been quite a long time since I have opened and read my favorite book. And now I shall continue reading a new chapter of it.

The last chapters were filled with intensity, expectations and frustrations. But beyond all these, the character has surpassed them in his life's journey. Lessons were taught and learned. Life is indeed a constant education, a wisdom-seeking experience.

A new chapter brings forth a new life. A rebirth of one's soul. And new moments worth anticipating for.

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Reliving my Blog

After four months, this blog has its post again. This, after I accidentally hit my bookmark on my favorite browser, read my ancient posts and some comments from my good friend, Thea. I barely recognized my way of writing. "Did I write this?", I asked her. And so I missed writing. Thus, this post.

It's 3:36AM on my clock now and it's odd that after a day's affair, sleep has not struck me. Thinking of what nice post I write, nothing filled my rusty brain. Did I lose the zest or am I just preoccupied with other things? I would want to rummage this reservoir of information and emotions of mine so I can write again the way I write before but I think I need a few moment to do so. A few minutes or a few hours perhaps? Oh well, I need not strain my energy on this now. I have lots of time do it.

Ah yes. I am currently with my friends in a place we never planned we would have stayed. Didn't work. Didn't go home. Didn't sleep. What's in store for me in the next few hours? Definitely it won't be a productive day. phew! And I'm meeting Sunrise in a few hours. Yet, I am glad that we were together again for more than a year. Glad too that I have filled again my cabin. This is a fulfillment somehow.

Welcome back to blogging beb! ;)

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15 Signs You're Meant to be Together

I have no intention of posting something like this but I find it interesting so I thought of sharing it to you.

Sometimes we wonder if we will end up together with our significant other in the future. And this is always a paranoia for those with age near to marrying. So why don't we take a look at these factors or signs that may shed light to our minds and hearts. Here are the 15 signs from Yahoo! that will tell us if we are on the right track. Enjoy reading! Dating Tips: 15 Signs You're Meant to be Together Read more...

The Gift I Have

A friend once gave me one variety of a tree some 5 years ago (or maybe 7, I forgot). It was still a plant when it was given. I remembered I was still in my college years those times. It was something I never gave much attention to or taken cared much as I was an ideal but typical student, concerned of getting a higher mark to maintain my academic privilege. Years gone by and I hardly noticed that the plant turned into a tree and was growing healthier and bigger, even without me taking care of it. Nature really has its way of everything. I was amazed. Soon I tried nursing it by my own hands. It did grew well.

This tree is an inspiration. It gives me joy. Everyday I look forward to seeing it, wanting to see that it is healthy and fine. The anticipation is a vitamin that energizes me. That beyond these anxieties and troubles I have, I still have this wonderful gift making me feel I have conquered my fears and the world.

Nature has its give and take cycles, I know. Yet, this, the gift that was given to me even if cannot speak the language I am speaking, just the presence of it is a joy for me. They have said I must give back to Nature the nursing so I can take care of other things too because Nature brings back everything to dust. And they knew that this will bring me to grief. And yes, I am trying to let go of the nursing; bringing it back to Nature slowly.

I know that soon I can finally let Nature take care of it in full. The tree will have to meet day and night but all in accordance to Nature. It will grow bigger and sturdy but it will also have to return to the earth's crust. It may not be soon. But the Acacia Tree will, eventually.

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Heading off for Cheap Thrills!

The earth's crust has always been the best floor to walk on. I have hoped to do this months before I landed on a new job. I thought this will be deprived of me knowing that life ahead (thinking from the past) will keep much of my time. It is indeed, yes. I was deprived of sunshine, wind, water, and earth. And now it's time for me to spend myself with them. Yipee! I gotta go nature tripping with my friends soon!;) We will be wandering of a nearby province with our sneakers and backpacks. I missed the nature's bounty and I wish to spend my time with her soon. I am leaving! Read more...

Feel Good, Look Good

I just had a conversation with a good friend this afternoon. A friend of hers told her that she is growing prettier recently. 'Maybe you just feel good and that reflects the aura', I told her. She laughed and approved after I reminded her that the previous environment she has was toxic.

Aside from the piles of work she had in the past, she became unhappy toward the management, toward the BOSS. Her workmates were great. She had no problems with them. But they are not enough to console everything. She hadn't realized she was growing old, unconsciously stressed out with the duties and the management. She later realized, left and found a new place.

Now, everytime I look at her I see a bright personality. She may have great responsibilities at work but she greatly works with her boss and she loves what she's doing. She looks good because she feels good in everything.

The people around us affect how we think and feel because we are constantly moving with them. Fortunately, this friend of mine has found her place and she's unceasingly thriving for fulfillment and self-worth.

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One More Chance

'Just give me one more chance...' I was singing a few lines from Madonna's when flashes of events came before me that made me stopped.

Another chance for me to live a life that is valuable. That I need to take all the time and effort to make it worthwhile. I need to get back to the mainstream. I need to be fed, information and experience wise. I need to make use of everything to get me started and moving.

I hope this Chance won't slip in my hands. Another time means another play.

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Aitakute, Tomodachi

'Aitakute', I wanted to tell you all this because I miss our laughter and long talks over coffee. I miss our company, our friendship.

To Wiseman who has indirectly taught me life's philosophy, take care and stay healthy.

To the Disciple of Paulo Coehlo who introduced him to me and for life's inspirations it gave me, my coffee partner, press on.

To Mommy who has showed me the courageous path of living and the joy of it, be Joy-ous still.

To Arm-man who is I know a very loving and patient man, stay the same.

To Madam Butterfly for leading me to what is real, keep safe.

To the people who have played roles in molding my working and social relations, you helped me be Me.

For everything we have been and for anything we may have, I (will) cherish them all.

I miss you all!

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Lucky

There are certain moments in our lives that we think we are but ordinary people living in an ordinary world. When in these times, we think that everyday is just plain but a continuous cycle of survival. We failed to see life's beauty, preoccupied on how to achieve the peak of success and fulfill self-worth. Yet, when we are in the brink of a circumstance when we almost to fail or vanish, the past flashes back and we are brought to realize life's significance. We ponder on and began cherishing little things, little ways. We then realize that all these times, we have been protected by great Hands.

I wrote this journal to tell myself that I am fortunate to have the Father with me. That when I thought I lost my worth, I was proven worthy. That when I thought I will be empty, I was filled.

Like any ordinary humans, I am imperfect. Yet, the heavens continue to bless me in little ways. And I am incessantly grateful.
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I Fear Hello

I have learned that saying goodbye is easier than saying hello.

We are afraid to fly. We are afraid to commit. We wanted to leave the darkness but the light in the open will penetrate the eyes and blind them; so we decided to close them once again.

We wanted to get out of the cave but the moment we step closer toward the beautiful but unfamiliar world, we stop and prefer to have both feet standing still.

We wanted to grow. We wanted to change. But when change came and opportunity opened its doors, we often hoped that they have not come at all; so we don’t have to welcome them.

Some people, after deciding to leave a part of them behind, regret after saying goodbye. They wished they had stayed behind than to face a new world before them.

Why do we prefer to stay on the ground than to climb a fewer steps? Why do we lose strength building something new when we have struggled to get out of the old and live anew?

Fear is what overshadows us. Fear that we might not cope with the changes. Fear that we might not live well. Fear that we might fail. Fear that we have not made changes at all. That living a new life, of starting anew, is another struggle more difficult than turning our back to the things and people we left, to the old ones we once were.

Because we know that staying on the ground is far safer than climbing with no harness at all.

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Nightmares for Daljas

With the world revolving, another month awaits the living. It's February again and soon the air will be filled with love. Fortunate are those who can celebrate that day with their special someone. Blissful are they. Miseries for those who have none? Nah that’s too harsh…

After reminding my sisters that next month is a love fever, the house was filled with laughter. It would be a nightmare, my younger sister said. Another emptiness, for the society celebrates it even if it is not officially declared. The Daljas would end up staring at the window again waiting for no one to hand them flowers or even greetings. Although we don’t regard it as something significant. It’s no big deal. Really. Some are just used to those times because they are just like any ordinary days they had. Like no other days are special, except of course on birthdays which they specially celebrate plus the Christmas and New Year with the whole family. Yet, I believe that there is still a longing of the heart to seek for its half. I admit.

Some people regard the hearts day as special while others just plainly consider it ordinary. Me? I am caught up in the middle. I told a friend I better receive no invitation than be invited with someone I don’t like. Seems like I will be filled with goosebumps that time. So it is better to be alone during that day than to be with someone I don’t want to be with. That’s better than sticking my ass with that someone. It will be a misery. I am not harsh. That’s just how I feel. *grin

Alone or not during hearts day, it doesn’t matter at all. (just pretending to be ok hahaha)

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Beauty Madness or Maddens?

The context of beauty is too broad. Although the jargon is frequently used, it somehow emptied my brain with its definition. Many define the term on their own but what is beauty by the way?

My inquisitiveness pushed me to my constant aid when it comes to information searching, the Internet. As usual, it did not fail me. But the definitions were a little tough to comprehend. It fed my brain but it was not satisfying. Maybe I make my own definition. Tougher. (*sigh) The broad and different meanings I just squeezed together. Brilliant, ornamental, attractive, excellent quality, are what mostly defining it; beauty is the quality that exalts the mind or spirit; the quality of an attribute that is pleasing to the senses or the mind. Something that is pleasing I guess would define it well. Well that narrowed to the obsolete but famous quote, “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”. It is subjective, resonating from personal perceptions.

Something came into my senses and I began to ask. Why do people hold on to beauty while others destroy it? I then remembered my favorite author. The one that we kept on holding is the one that we want to destroy. But well, we won’t be dealing with that. Let us just stay shallow on bodily beauty. This will be easier, I think.

When does beauty become madness? A madden? It depends on the intensity of the admiration and emotions we set off.

Eyes tell brain that what they see and discover is something interesting and captivating. Then brains tell hearts that they desire it.

So when does it become madness? It becomes one when admiration is at its best. The eyes cannot take its vision away from the object. The heart becomes childish wanting to own the beauty the eyes have seen.

It is madness when the heart is playful with what it felt. A folly heart is a heart engrossed with emotions that it tends to do anything to make it happy. To experience bliss. The state stays there for as long as it decides to be that way. For as long as it is healthy. But when it deviates, it becomes a madden.

There is beauty madden when we want to destroy beauty. A selfish heart won’t let anybody admire it but itself alone. We usually associate this feeling on fanatics who believed that it is better to see their idols die than compete for attention with other fans. So they kill what they admire and desire the most. Likewise with lovers filled with envy.

There is also beauty madden when we cannot let other beauty overpower ours. We always search for the person’s negativity just to believe that behind that beauty is an ugly face. So we would believe that nobody is more beautiful than us. We wanted to believe that we are the fairest of all beings. Like that of the wicked stepmother of Snowhite who rummaged the forest to kill the latter.

‘Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder’. For whatever reasons we say that one thing, one person, one memory, one instance, is beautiful or not, we are the sole critic. As I say, beauty is seen subjective. Be it a madness or a madden, what matters is that we control the intensity of the emotions we exude. The brain is still the highest deciding power who controls us. For as long as it stays a madness, admiring one’s beauty is in its healthy stage. The pain of losing somebody or something must not overpower one’s being, or else it will become a madden.

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