You're Still Here

Thoughts of you still linger in my mind, in my heart, and in my soul. Do I sound so sentimental? Yeh I think so. But why? Why do you always creep when all else has been forgotten. And yet I realized everything was not forgotten for you already spilled a tint in me and it won’t wash away. After all that come and go, thoughts of you did not fade. It just seeped into the corner-most area of my heart that I thought it’s gone but instead just hiding. I wanted you to know that you tainted my heart but I can’t ‘coz even if this feeling caused me pain, simple thoughts of you bring me joy... even in silence.

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I Didn't Go Home Last Night

I had no schedule yesterday and I was hoping I would receive an invitation even if it’s the least invitation at the last minute of my working time. I was sent greetings yet I received no invitation. I waited the whole day until Thea, well as usual my constant confidant and the only person I could exploit time, proposed me to help her in her endeavor. I immediately accepted for four reasons. First, I don’t want to render overtime that night. Second, I don’t want to go home early. Third, I already set my mind that someone might send me an invitation and I should come. Fourth, to kill time ‘coz I was damn bored of this routine.

Okay going back. I immediately went out the office and met my friend for dinner and off we went to the place to start working. We did some revisions on human resources modules. I planned of not staying in the hotel overnight but when Thea was advised she’ll stay alone in the room I volunteered to stay with her, phoned my mom that I won’t go home. At first she refused but when she heard Thea’s voice in the background she agreed. Maybe she thought I would be sleeping with somebody else. Hahaha. That was too way far to happen. That was the first time I didn’t go home after we did overnight projects in college.

I slept, oh sorry, I napped for almost two hours. Woke up near 5 in the morning and started facing the laptop and keying and revising the module again. We had breakfast in the hotel at 7AM; arrived home at 7:30AM. I felt like I was floating going home. I came to the office near 9AM, late for our staff development seminar. I was groggy… until now.

The seminar ended four in the afternoon yet I won’t go home early. I think I will be needing more time to relax myself. I felt always in search but don’t know what am I searching, or who for that sake. My body wanted to rest but my mind and heart don’t want to be occupied with thoughts of anything. Gotta free myself from those annoying thoughts before I break down again.

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The Cat Strolled

The cat was lost but now it found its way home. After four days of spending time in the vast area of the city, I never thought it would come back. I never even thought cats have brains where their memory resides and that they were able to come back lol. Well maybe it's just their animal instinct. After that they'll leave you again. But no time must be wasted. You have to spend time with the cat and fill those moments when it was not with you. So enjoy the time and excuse yourself from your dull life a while. So I did.

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Covering Up

There you stood before me wearing that Mona Lisa smile. You didn't capture me. I tried to smile back but my heart is not ready to do so. You gave me an open arms but I was uncomfortable getting near you. I did not feel anything special anymore. I become numb. "Numb? Really?", I asked myself. But deep inside me a hesitant voice says, "Or was I just covering up so I won't feel pain anymore." Coz I know if I let this emotion go on, I will be choked with pain again.

I would rather be passive than to take each moment seriously. Let time alone dictates where I should be going and what I should be getting 'coz my heart was too tired of falling deeply.

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Always Vague

Here I am sitting infront of my pc, trying to get over the feeling last night. Have I overcome it? That I must still find out.

Oh. It has been few days already since I was not disturbed. I don't know if it's good or bad news but all I know is I miss the fun and stupidity. lol. Well if it's not meant for me then let go. I hope there are still a lot to get along with life soon. Vague? Yes, that's what I aimed for. ;)

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Why Am I So Distracted?

And the deliberation started and ended tonight...

I thought after confessions of truth everything will just pass as if nothing happened. "Why am i so distracted?", I asked myself while playing a game in my phone. I got up and opened my pc and started talking to myself.

Sleeping beside the person I hardly knew at all is despicable. Is it too harsh? Okay I say, uncomfortable. Why such feeling? Is it jealousy or is it just a mere feeling of being betrayed by someone close to you? I was feeling fine after all the laughters and serious talk lately but when everybody else left, I felt everything was serious and I did not know how to place myself in the situation. More with the people around me who are mostly concerned. I was stuck. Words were trapped in my mind and they could not escape my mouth. How will I bring back again those times when everything was just normal. Yet I could not. And now I do not know how my loved ones took hold of the situation. I know they were just trying to hide the pain and frustrations. I can feel their anguish and dismay. I wish I could comfort them but I found no betters words or actions to make them feel better...

But then... it was still not the end. Everything was just a beginning.

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There's No Place Like Home

I was always searching for a place to rest. I traveled and meet many faces. I found one. I thought this is the place I was searching for so long but I was wrong. I haven’t found happiness and contentment. The place I once wanted but ignored seeped into my memories again. I felt a little bliss then sadness. Bliss because now I found what I have been searching. Sad, because I already abandoned the place.

Realizations do come at the end and now I am afraid I won’t be able to take back the place I used to own. Is someone already residing in that place? I regret to have ignored what I could have called my home.

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No Title

The day was no good. My colds caused me intense headache and I couldn’t work well.

Everyday becomes ordinary. No zest at all. I am floating. I am tired.

I was bombarded with notes today that caused me another stress. Don’t wanna be tagged all the time. Please spare me a little time for myself...


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Shocked

I was busy working with our newsletter when at exactly 2:01PM, I received a message from a friend's friend explaining something which I really don't care at all. How would you react to something that is beyond your control? I mean, this friend of mine has his life and I don't care if he messes it up. It's his. It happened a week ago but it became a big issue in their community today. I was shocked when I received the message. I was emotionally disturbed.

Then here comes his friend explaining his friend's side that I misunderstood his personality. That I misunderstood everything that night. I immediately responded with both tone of sophistication and respect that I do not care who he meets with. Mean but nice. I ignored all the messages but replied once. His friend says he was reprimanded and they talked with their elder brother the whole afternoon. Since then I haven’t received any messages. I still hope everything would come out ok. Haaaay….


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Friday Night Gaga

Oh was I able to share what happened last Friday night? Again, screwing up was screwed up! Why do I always have a planned night that screws up?

We were scheduled to watch EagleEye that night but went out frustrated as it was not showing yet. I was furious but I couldn't do anything, at all. The usual? Thea and I hibernated for a coffee at the mall until my friend and officemate came after two hours. We stood up to change place for dinner. He did not bring his car. I sighed. We took the taxi.

We chose dimsum for Thea to eat congee. No congee. Our eyes met and sighed. She ate rice instead. After dinner, we went to Blueposts for billiard and beer but the place was full so we were forced to stay outside for a bottle of beer. What could have happened that night? Everything just didn't go well with our plans. My officemate went home early as she was drowsy and tipsy after a hard day's work and the beer of course. The three of us went to my fave coffeeshop to stimulate us and stayed for an hour and a half. Then Thea and I send my friend home early as we were tired talking to him hehe. The two of us went back to the shop and met another friend of hers.

I better not plan for my nights as it always screw up. That night was not too fulfilling but at least we still beat the cinderella time. At least...

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