Love is Like a Dam

I do not have a childhood sweetheart unlike Pilar but I do have someone my heart longed like that of hers. I kept wanting him, although and even though there's a wall I built to keep my heart separated. It may stumble anytime depending on how sturdy I was building it, yet afraid that it will in reality. I was Pilar in this case too. 'Love is much like a dam: if you allow a tiny crack to form through which only a trickle of water can pass, that trickle will quickly bring down the whole structure, and soon no one will be able to control the force of the current.' I believe that I know my limits; that I can control myself; that I know how much suffering I could bear. But if that wall stumbles out of unexpected factors, love, so powerful, takes over. 'To love is to lose control'

If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him... Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.