The Instance

Because we are too concerned of great things, we fail to see little details of God’s works.

There are times when we feel that life has been so unfair, bombarding us with immeasurable obstacles but less of its breath. Unfair isn’t it? Yet we do not have other choice but to struggle; struggle until we finally breathe a little air and then struggle again, to keep living. Maybe that’s what life is all about.

We are like passengers of a drowning ship. We jump off the ship thinking that it will be safe in the waters and found out we do not know how to swim. We are drowning, but we struggled to flap until we reach the surface, reach for something that will pull us up and finally breathe. Lucky if we found something to hold us, blessed if we unconsciously lay and woke up safe in an island where the waves brought us. And we woke up thanking God for grasping us in the midst of falling. God’s mystery is at work. But if life is not for us, we are taken away with the darkness.

We want things to happen the way we expect them. When it did not work they caused us emotional turbulence and made us suffer. We are unreasonably hurting. For some, time may be enough to heal the cut. For some, it takes other people to come to their lives; open a window to the other realm and welcome them to their world.

Time heals all wound, they say. Yes. For others who believe that all will heal in time, they hibernate and let time erase the pain. The memories will still be there but no more emotions attached, for which is good. For some, both may banish. For some, either. For some, neither.

Then instance in our lives helped us in the healing, caused the change, or changes. It could be a situation, a place, a thing, or a person. The joy may not be lasting but in the end we realized that the instance significantly brought us joy and secluded us from the constant anxieties and fears, from pain. Indeed, we felt we have triumphed over them.

We then realized that these simple instances are proofs that God is still with us. That in simple matters God never abandoned us.

We then realized, “Yes, maybe God gave me that instance to bring me back to life.” And we thank Him for lighting the path again.

I may not have the chance to thank the many instances that came in my life but I am surely grateful for their presence. Thanks too for my friend who made me realized that God gave me the instance to bring me back to where I was.

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In the Shadow of a Doomed Heart

Since this week seemed to be a sad week mode, I will add another emotional composition from a very good friend of mine. This was written in 2006.

I am still locked in this chain of depression. I have been waking up everyday with so much to worry of. I am weak for days trying to overcome this intense feeling of agony, of anger, of hope, of love… I thought after crying a pail of tears I could forget the pain and continue living as if nothing happened. I was wrong… All these days, I have been living in the shadow of pretensions I cast not wanting anybody to know that deep inside I am frail and fragile. That I am broke. I struggled to conceal this feeling, suppress them, and taught myself to be strong but I am still defeated with what I really feel. The past is drowning me to a river of pain and I am catching my breath to live. My heart is bleeding. The wound is deep and it’s killing me. How can this heart be mended? Tell me coz I hate what I feel!

Every dawn, I wake in misery. I slept with difficulty. My body and soul has not found
peace for so long. I often feel my heart crushed. Burnt. My mind is filled with so many flashes of the past. I saw him. Happy moments… Then sad ones… I thought after all the sacrifices I made he would realize and see that all I did was for the best of both of us, yet he did not. Instead, I was thrown away like a paper crushed by hand. I felt a cut in my heart and its bleeding. I came to think, “Where have I gone wrong?”

I want him to be happy. I had always prayed for his happiness. And now that he found it, I don’t understand why I still feel this way. It caused me so much pain. So much… I don’t know how would I bring back the color that love has once shared. All I see is the dullness of this heart. This pain had took away my life and my love.

My soul is wandering in oblivion. For long, I have searched for it but still could not find it. My heart was unguarded from the thorns that love has bore. My innocent heart had faced turbulence because of this insolent love I felt.

To see his face I cannot dare. To look in his eyes I cannot bare. My heart is throbbing and I do not know when this ends. To be numb is what I desire so I will no longer suffer in this foolish love that pierced my heart. Let alone time heal the wounds it caused. For in time, I will take back my heart and tell her how to love again. Please tell me, soonest…

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