Just typing. That's all.

It feels odd to be staying in the house by this hour 'coz for the past few weeks and/or days I have been a constant resident of the office. It feels good though.

The day was too tiring. The office hosted a recorder competition in Calinan, and as usual I was one of the organizers. The pressure of the event and the intensity of the sun knocked me to sleep as soon as I arrived home this afternoon. I was glad there would be no more activities for me this year. I can finally relax. But there are a few other things more to consider.

Haaaay... taihen!

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Thanks! I Will Miss You!

Ever had the feeling of taking a guilt vacation? Wooh wait a minute what was that?

Well actually it wasn't that much guilt. I was just worried how will we ever go back to where we was without people noticing our getaway.

The vacation was filled with so much excitement. Although the place was not a place to relax, the company kept me enjoyed. I won't exactly share the WHO, WHAT, WHEN and WHERE details of this vacation. All I can say is I enjoyed every bit of it even if it was exhausting. And I felt I had never got the contentment yet. I want more of it but we must go back to exactly where we were. Thanks for the people who made this possible. You know who you are. I will miss everything about us.

From dust to dust, we got back to the reality. The tension just came. Now I'm afraid of what will happen next. It's getting darker in the dungeon.

And I'm back to being busy again.

I will really miss everything. The life I am awaiting for almost brings me to tears but everything must be set right and everything must be fulfilled. Should be no regrets. Risk.

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Soon...

The weather today is very great. The heavy and constant downpour makes me feel relaxed. For people with nothing to do, the weather is great but for people going to school and work it is very inconvenient. I missed the feeling of relaxing and I am looking forward to more of it very soon.

I am now anticipating the soonest possible moment when I will have a new me. The worry is still there but the feeling of moving on is greater than anything else. Nothing fills me these days but the constant hoping that I will finally be deliberated from this chain I was locked. A challenging life awaits me soon.

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Infertility

The flowers died
The trees ceased to bear fruits
The soil is not rich
But the weeds lavishly grew. Read more...

Oops!

For tonight, the time with my little cute brats has ended. The little one gave me a DIY beaded bracelet which touched me very much. I left their house.

I was now walking along the dark lonely streets away from their home. While waiting for the economic transportation in the dimmed corner, a vehicle passed me which I presume was the father of the little girls. I waved. The driver stopped and looked at me as if confirming if he knew me. I realized I mistakenly identified him. I looked down trying to cover the shame and so I was just texting my friend to console the feeling. He drove ahead. Hooh! I felt relieved. But wait! The car turned back. Worse, it parked just five steps before me. My knees were trembling and my heart pumping intensely. The shame was overshadowed with fear. I must not get nervous, I told myself. So I pretended I was not scared at all. The car stayed there for ten minutes I think and then off he went back to the other street. For another round, I felt relieved. Fortunately, the tricycle arrived and off I immediately got in. When we are about at the middle of the road, I looked back and found the car following me. There was an intense rush of blood felt. I was getting more and more nervous. Why is he following me again? I only mistook him as another person by waving at him lately but it should not be like this. The car drove faster than I was riding and stopped at the crossing of the village just before the tricycle arrived. I went down trembling with fear. If anybody looks at me they might notice the pale look I had. I crossed the street and stayed on the other side without looking at the car. I was about to ride taxi going to a party but the fear that he might follow me prompted me to ride jeepney instead. Whew! I finally got out in the situation. I do not know how I will ever go back this evening again in that place.

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In Time, We'll Know

The intensity of the heat yesterday caused me intense headache that I slept nearly 6 in the evening. Waking up today, the pain has not subsided yet. I was still holding on with the pain in the office not until I found out something. The emotions maybe more intense than what my physique is feeling coz I can no longer feel the bang in my head but the bang in my heart.

I have no right to neither get mad nor blame anyone for that matter. I do not even know how I feel at this moment. Maybe there are just few things that we cannot expect everyone to tell us. As we said, there are reasons for such to happen. In time, we will know. We just have to wait. Wait for someone to open up and tell us everything. And here we stay, waiting…

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Chasing a Guy

Wooh! I never thought we will end up chasing a guy on Saturday night. Was it still night or early in the morning? Whenever that was, the feeling was very odd... but exciting too. lol. Oh well let me go into details.

The whole Saturday was an exhausting day. I did work and play. From Fagioli to Brueggers' to Promenade to the streets of Davao, we unrelentlessly toured the city.

Autoshop was not our place as we didn't fit the atmosphere of the youngs. It was just too loud for us. After my friend's meal and a burger at 11PM at Bruegger’s and Spaceburger, we went back to the car and planned for another hop. As we were planning, my friend spotted this cute guy at Shiatsu, so she parked her car infront of the parlor and waited for that guy to come out. He went out the parlor, entered his car and started the engine. Now the two cars faced each other. We moved backwards so he can go out the area. His car's front light was too glaring that we cannot have a glimpse of his face. We were all staring at his car until we finally got the position where we can see the driver's seat, and the driver of course. Yeh, he was really cute. He looked at his left side (our car parked on this side waiting for him to move out) so he can check if it's safe to turn. He sluggishly smiled. My friend was twitterpated with the responsive smile. We followed his car but he slowed down. We drove ahead and now the two cars are situated side to side, we looked at him and my friend loudly smiled. (what’s the term? Lol) Now we’re ahead. We turned left to Torres. My friend on the backseat chillingly told us that the car was following us. We were all electrified and shouted but driving ahead, a car overtook his position. The vehicle between us broke the excitement as he turned left and was misled. That excitement caused us to move around Torres Ave. and look for him but we couldn’t find him anymore. We went to Rizal Promenade to check if he would party there but found my dear friend Chet and his friends instead. We stopped awhile and had chitchats for few minutes and off we went back to the massage parlor where that guy just went. We got his name but not his number. We again went back to the Torres area hoping we could still find him but unfortunately, not. At least we got his name and the plate number before we end our day. Whew! That was something I did very odd but exciting. Lol. Well at least we took part on my friend's excitement. We did that for her. ;)

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Short-term Amnesia?

Whew! Where have all those previous writings came from? I seemed to be a stranger to what I wrote in this site. lol. But really, I have difficulty remembering. Or maybe I was just too exhausted today to remember anything. hehe

The world last night put me into a stance that I woke up drained this morning. Whew! I could have slept in the office but I must not.

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The Instance

Because we are too concerned of great things, we fail to see little details of God’s works.

There are times when we feel that life has been so unfair, bombarding us with immeasurable obstacles but less of its breath. Unfair isn’t it? Yet we do not have other choice but to struggle; struggle until we finally breathe a little air and then struggle again, to keep living. Maybe that’s what life is all about.

We are like passengers of a drowning ship. We jump off the ship thinking that it will be safe in the waters and found out we do not know how to swim. We are drowning, but we struggled to flap until we reach the surface, reach for something that will pull us up and finally breathe. Lucky if we found something to hold us, blessed if we unconsciously lay and woke up safe in an island where the waves brought us. And we woke up thanking God for grasping us in the midst of falling. God’s mystery is at work. But if life is not for us, we are taken away with the darkness.

We want things to happen the way we expect them. When it did not work they caused us emotional turbulence and made us suffer. We are unreasonably hurting. For some, time may be enough to heal the cut. For some, it takes other people to come to their lives; open a window to the other realm and welcome them to their world.

Time heals all wound, they say. Yes. For others who believe that all will heal in time, they hibernate and let time erase the pain. The memories will still be there but no more emotions attached, for which is good. For some, both may banish. For some, either. For some, neither.

Then instance in our lives helped us in the healing, caused the change, or changes. It could be a situation, a place, a thing, or a person. The joy may not be lasting but in the end we realized that the instance significantly brought us joy and secluded us from the constant anxieties and fears, from pain. Indeed, we felt we have triumphed over them.

We then realized that these simple instances are proofs that God is still with us. That in simple matters God never abandoned us.

We then realized, “Yes, maybe God gave me that instance to bring me back to life.” And we thank Him for lighting the path again.

I may not have the chance to thank the many instances that came in my life but I am surely grateful for their presence. Thanks too for my friend who made me realized that God gave me the instance to bring me back to where I was.

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Incomplete

When we thought all is set, we realized it is not yet done. When we thought that all is well, we realized it is not what we wanted. When we thought we are contented, we realized that we have settled for less. And all of these because one thing, one part, one person, one instance, one life arrived and changed us, our perceptions, our desires, our dreams, our being, our beliefs, our struggles, us...

No people find contentment. We always look for something that gives us challenge and happiness. Something that fills us. Yes, contentment and happiness go together. The things that make us happy are the things that fulfill our wants and needs. Something we dream of. Something we crave of. Something we desire of.

When I thought I have settled for something, I realized in the end that something is missing in me. To cope with it, I fill my thoughts and emotions with strength, with will, with determination that I will and can live with the present and accept what it is bringing me. But then, thoughts of randomness began to fill me and it won't go away. Thoughts that I wanted to have, to become, to try that I believe will deliberate me from this longing, from this endless dream, from this constant what-ifs for so long. I tried to recover my strength and act that I am doing great but a pierce in my heart brought me back to my consciousness. Then I told myself, "I am not okay." Tears then ran down my cheek.


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An Escape with Punishment

Yesterday, I have escaped a while from the day’s labor but I think I have been punished too. *sigh… My head ached intensely last night that I felt very dizzy and almost throw up. Maybe the intensity of the day’s heat caused that dizziness. I was with my constant confidant the whole day exhausting ourselves with anything just to kill the time. After dinner with her family, I excused myself and went home ahead. The intense pain knocked me off as soon as I arrived home.

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Memories

Memories flashing back… Well, this is what my friend texted me as soon as she woke up this morning. Memories… Hmmm.. they were flashing in me yesterday. There are those moments when I doubt its sincerity but they are more overshadowed by great happy memories (because my friends lift me up all the times). We always sit and talk over a cup of coffee. (We just had a stop last night at Tata Benito's)

My life’s getting ordinary each day but two things keep me holding each day. No, three. :D My November, December and January. *sigh! And everything will end and begin next year.

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Stabbed?

Hmmmm when this news broke out 5 minutes ago, I never felt even a pinch of emotions. Why? Because in the first place I never invested anything to such. I was just enjoying life's stupidity and childishness. Thank God I didn't bother laying away my emotions on something I knew won't go any farther. So when my close friend called me breaking the news, I just laughed and said nothing, except for the thank you I uttered to her.

In the end, I was constantly laughing how everything went out that way and how everything had gone far. You see, life is just a game. May the best man wins! hehe At least it was not yet too late before I got warned. Yet I never felt being stabbed because I already guarded myself from the time it all started.

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