Tweetiums Gathered

Wow! Last night was one of my greatest nights for this year as my Highschool circle met together to celebrate our Christmas. The group only meets rarely a year, once or twice. Emz was not with us that time as she was in Gensan with her family. We set this date so that we can meet each other before the year ends. The night was really a fun. We were able to bond with each other and fill those times when we have not met. Christmas is gift-giving so we have our exchange of gifts too.

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The Last Day of Bet

I actually greeted this year's last day with some friends. Except that I did not meet sunrise after the whole day's bonding. I was hoping I was awake 24 hours to greet the day with a visit at the church but I unconsciously lay asleep on the bed as soon as I got home early. I mean early in the morning.

The year has been good to me minus the recent incidents that quite affected me. Nonetheless, the year was great. After all it was the Year of the Rat, my year.

At two in the morning, I shyly smiled as I remembered I have a bet with a friend. And today's the last day that a fulfillment must be done. I thought I would be anxious but knowing that I cannot make a miracle in a day, I just smiled. My friends wondered why. I just gave no answer. I know that I must not cling on to something that I have no power of. Maybe this year was not a good bet for me, even last year, or maybe even the next year.. *sigh.. Yet I still did a bet this year. Starting tomorrow...

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It's Yet Another Love Story

I am having a hard time finishing the recent book I am reading. It's on my second day yet the will to finish has not yet sink in. Maybe it's because the story is, shall I say, a typical love story and the ending is anticipating. But in fairness to the book, it was beautifully written. The conversations are witty. Maybe I was just too immersed with Paulo's works that's why I was a little bias. I still have half way to read somehow. I hope I can have the interest to read the book in one sitting soon.

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Starting The Choice

Never thought I would be reading this book, The Choice by Nicholas Sparks. The author was the great man behind the books and were famously filmed Message in a Bottle, The Notebook, A Walk to Remember and Nights in Rodanthe.

I found the book a few hours ago after I was desperately looking for something to read. I told you, I was damn bored. I finally saw it in one of my bags. (so I did not bring it back to the office hehe) I jumped for joy for I can finally spend my time reading. Here I am starting on the seventh part of the book but decided to continue by tomorrow for the time won't allow me anymore. I say the book is interesting apart from the thought that it wasn't. The completion will justify it soon.

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What Else Should I Do?

I was supposed to go out tonight and meet some friends but unfortunately unexpected events happened and I have to be stuck again in the house all day. I was never used to staying in the house so long but now, the vacation is keeping me idle and bored. I didn't have my constant friend with me as she was home with her mom's reprimands. Oops sorry to spill that out. hehe

I was actually searching for the other book somebody lend me, The Choice, just to keep myself busy but I couldn't find it. I forgot were I placed it or if I intentionally brought it back to the office because I have no plan reading it at all. It's a love story. I have no other books to let me escape boredom so now I am planning to read it even if it didn't interest me much. I didn't find it though. Or should I better buy another Paulo book just to keep me upbeat. Hmmm... what else should I do? Damn! I am really bored. *sigh

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A Jist of Brida

I read Brida the whole afternoon the other day. Another laudable work of Paulo Coelho.

Brida is a story of finding one's destiny, of knowledge, of one's self, and of love. It is about a young woman who came in search for magic. She went in to the woods and searched for the Magus who she believed will help her find the answers. Magic, like life is mysterious as he said. The Magus taught her the Tradition of the Sun after seeing in her a Gift. Her Dark Night was the first lesson she learned from him. She went back to town and visited the bookstore of magic and witchcrafting she constantly visits. The storeowner introduced her to Wicca, an expert in tarot card reading, after he was being told that she went to the forest and met the magus.

Wicca saw in Brida a Gift too but was more curious of what interests the Magus about Brida, she must find out. She taught her the Tradition of the Moon. The two became Brida's Teacher, one who guides through revelation and the other teaches witchcraft. In her quest to the mystery of magic, she found out that she was a witch too, like Wicca, who has the gift of calling the spirits, incarnated hundred of years ago. The simple quest of understanding magic led her to her Soulmate, the Magus. But she must find her own path to life...

Did she accept the fate of being a witch? Will she end up with her Soulmate? That you must find out...

Some lines of this book caught my heart. Here are the few.

I learned that the search for God is a Dark Night, that Faith is a Dark Night. And that's hardly a surprise really, because for us each day is a dark night. None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, and yet still we go forwards. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.

Sometimes we set off down a path simply because we don't believe in it. It's easy enough. All we have to do then is prove that it isn't the right path for us. However, when things start to happen, and the path does reveal itself to us, we become afraid of carrying on.

But the path of magic - like the path of life - is and always will be the path of Mystery. Learning something means coming into contact with a world of which you know nothing. In order to learn, you must be humble.

Right, from now on, whenever you want to find out about something, plunge straight in.

Nothing in the world is ever completely wrong... Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

Sometimes, certain of God's blessings arrive by shattering all the windows.

Judging oneself to be inferior to other people was one of the worst acts of pride he knew, because it was the most destructive way of being different.

I thought I knew what made me happy and what made me sad, then suddenly I realised that I need to think again.

God created the legion of His Left Arm in order to improve us, so that we would know what to do with our mission. But He put man in charge of concentrating the powers of darkness and creating his own demons.

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My Paulo Holiday

For two consecutive days, I was immersed in inspiration and hope. Thanks to Paulo Coelho who have never failed to inspire people in all walks.

The constant cheers and chats in the house made me intoxicated so I decided to seclude myself and started reading. I read on Paulo's two books, Brida and The Devil and Miss Prym. I fin'ly got the time to read them because I was too damn excited to swim in Paulo's great works. I read Brida on the afternoon of the first day and followed it by The Devil and Miss Prym, a friend's gift, in the evening but got sleepy and continued it the next day.

I thought I have great worries in life. Not until Paulo brought me into his world... again.

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Merry Weakmass

I was supposed to buy gifts today for our kriskringle for tonight but I was not able to wake up early this morning. I have not even picked up the CD I asked from a friend. My body is weak. A shiver in my bones is felt.

The rain seems not to go away this time.

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I Received Gifts

Yehey! I received my first ever Paulo Coelho book, The Devil and Miss Prym. Thanks dearie… Love it very much! Thanks too for my friends who have shared their blessings to me. Mommy and Manong, love you much! I will definitely be weeping without your presence soon… Merry Christmas to everyone!

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Same Species

We were at the coffeeshop that time waiting for an email from London which will be our soonest nest. While Thea and I were talking, a guy from the outside who belongs to the same species of the cat caught the attention of Thea. She then asked me how was the cat. I gave no reply except for 'I don't know'. Well, that was the best and the only answer I could give lol. We continued to discuss different topics when a local guy approached our table and asked for something which is mine. I was shocked receiving such an unexpected approach. I asked him why, replying that his friend was persistently asking for it. I told him to tell his friend to come over and talk to us straight. So he did.

He joined us in the table. He is of the same age as mine. Oh, and Thea identified him as the one who stood outside the shop just beside us. I was fairly impressed by his conversation skills. He was sociable and charming. The conversation was interesting, and so was he. Thea and I left the shop almost midnight.

He was different like all other his same species. That was I thought before we left. But it seems that their character stereotyped them all.

Thea and I laughed thinking how good he could have been if not for the manner he showed. Whew! Another character we must include in our list of do’s and don’t’s.

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The Shirt Was Sold

I met with my good friend tonight planning for a group Christmas party. As usual, we were the constant partners when it comes to circle plans and outing. After a few drinks and songs with Korean friends, the two of us went out for coffee and finally made options available for our group's approval.

Going home we realized it's another mallwide sale. I complained how the shirt I planned to buy the other day ran out of stocks in the malls I went. I forgot it was midnight sale last night. All stocks were no longer available when I came back at the two malls. I should have brought that shirt long before. I was thinking and hoping I would find better style at the other mall but to my dismay I found no better one. Worse, when I went back, it was no longer available. I was dismayed. I should be giving that to a friend by Monday next week.

I then remembered what my friend told me. When she and her 'candidate' were talking, she once told him, 'It's like buying a shirt in the mall. You love that shirt very much but you decided to leave it there for a week because your finances cannot afford it. But after a week, when you have all the finances, you went back to buy it but unfortunately, it was no longer available to you. It was sold out.'

The lesson? If there is something or someone you wanted the most, grab for it while it is still available to you. You might be disappointed that the one thing you've been dying to own is already taken by somebody else. And you were left to choose with the 'not so good' ones...

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Everything's OK... I Think

I somehow felt guilty for having afflicted trouble to other people who were unknowingly dragged in the incident. I admit and I apologize. I humbled, as what my great friend said. Well, maybe it's all I could do. I don't want to make the issue bigger so to cut it all off, I apologize, once again. Maybe it was just an outburst of emotions that one does not care if it pained the other. At least now, everything was settled. I fairly hope so. Read more...

Smile, baby!

My heart found a moment of comfort as I slowly watch the printer head moved side to side printing grandpa’s great grandson’s photo. I was thankful I was given a moment even if it was very short. Just two ticks of clock’s hands, my heart temporarily wiped the anxieties and began to smile. Maybe I need a little of something that would make me forget about life’s worries and pains and just smile and laugh and enjoy every bit of life’s pleasures. Thank you for this photo that even if my day was filled with anger, pain and worries, it gave me a sigh, a relief, and a smile.


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What do I want for Christmas?

I used to think I have nothing to ask this Christmas, except of course for money. But well, only my company can give me that much amount. Unfortunately, for this season, I will not be receiving big (blame it to the world crisis they were talking about) So let's crash it off my blank list. So instead of dreaming of it, why not make a reality check. So I wrote on my Christmas gift list, number one and only one, Paolo Coelho's books.

This thought came to me as I wander the NBS this afternoon waiting for my friend to see me. I got bored after buying my stuffs so I went in immediately to the section where the bestselling books were shelved. I was almost tempted to swipe all the books but realized I had better things to put aside my money for. So if you are thinking and planning to to give me gifts, I let you not bother buying me any other. I suggest you grab Paulo Coelho's and wrap it up for me. hehe. Veronika Decides To Die and The Alchemist are the two that interest me most to read. :D I am on my reading with Brida. ;)

I may have second, third, fourth, and so on things on my future list so better be updated. lol. Jaa, arigatou ne!

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Happiness: Contagious as a Flu

It's already past 5 so I can now give myself a little time to roam around the net. I was actually thinking what to blog about this day. I paused for a moment while pondering, then my eyes caught the title of a featured article in a newspaper that reads Happiness: Contagious as a Flu. I already read it an hour ago after my friend persuaded me saying it is very interesting. And yes, it did not fail me.

When Wiseman asked me what I and my friend were talking about lately, I told him about the article. He then said that anger spreads more than happiness. I then began to think. Well, I cannot speak of science but of experience. Then I concluded, yes., maybe he was right...

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A Flash of Some Things

Flashing memories unceasingly fill my mind these past few days. Maybe idle minds are victims of inevitable flashbacks but they made me smile remembering how every people I dealt with had left a beautiful mark in my life. I unceasingly smile how I was able to carry my feet during the moments when they were almost swamped and my hands were able to grasp ropes to pull myself up. And now everything was back to normal. Time again passes slowly...

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Wiseman Has Spoken

The group happily and excitingly pricked the roasted chicken served at lunch at 3:30 in the afternoon. While the group was talking and eating, Wiseman entered the room, sat and joined in the conversation. Fashionguru told him, "Sir, what do you think about giving these people vaccines against contagious diseases. It would be good if they are kept protected." Wiseman said, "Yes, of course. You make the request so we can discuss it with Them." Fashionguru said, "Yes. I will. I was actually hoping you can help me with it. Thank you Sir." There was a short silence. Then arrived Bigboss and joined in the conversation. Wiseman started...

Production. Production of crops entails proper planting and caring. Pesticides, insecticides, fertilizers, etc. These are needed to produce quality and healthy crops in the harvest. Producing crops means investment. It is not solely counting how much you'll earn in the end but also spending during the planting season. Just like an organization. In order to gain productivity you must take care of those who are helping you achieve it. Healthy people equals productivity. The occurrence of a problem without any precautions beforehand will cost the organization more. As the saying goes, 'prevention is better than cure'.

Each has important functions and responsibilities. Like a human body who functions as whole. All of its parts have different roles to perform; different roles but working toward one goal. A little pain felt by one part affects the whole body.

The group was silenced. Wanderer felt a small pinch in the heart and was teary-eyed. Wiseman has just touched everyone but they did not know if Bigboss actually was.

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HOME

by: Chris Daughtry

I'm staring out into the night
Trying to hide the pain
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain

I'm going home
Back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me

I'm not running from
No, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me

But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home
Well I'm going home

The miles are getting longer, it seems
The closer I get to you
I've not always been the best man or friend for you
But your love remains true
And I don't know why
You always seem to give me another try

So I'm going home
Back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me

I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old

Be careful what you wish for
'Cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all
And then some you don't want

Be careful what you wish for
'Cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all, yeah

Oh, well I'm going home
Back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me

I'm not running from
No, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old

I said, these places and these faces are getting old
So, I'm going home

I'm going home

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It Might Be

The constant buzzing around numbed me. What's only left is the intention of moving out and starting anew. No other feeling has left this persona except for that thing.

Life has always been good on me but I regret I have not made the most of it. Regreting has always been a part of us. But this time, I can no longer go back and fix everything I did except that I can still construct my own way and follow it. It may not be the one I have been wanting, not the one I have been praying, but at least it's the one worth risking for. I do not know where it will lead me but I cling to believing in the guidance of the highest being.

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The Implications

I peered through the window at the second level and saw you approaching the house. I presume you will ask for an apology. I hide. Hide so you won't have another reason to hurt me. So I won't have the reason to see and talk to you again. I do not know why, but I hide myself in the closet. My housemate opened the door for you and you got in even after she told you I was not home. You insisted to stay and wait for me. I heard your footsteps. You sat adjacent to where I was hiding. I kept mum but stayed focus of the house's movements, checking if you are still in the house waiting for me.

A few minutes more I saw myself sobbing. I stretched my hands so I will feel a little relief but I unknowingly let myself seen. A hand grasped me from the outside. I screamed! Screamed because you found me. But it wasn't you. It was a friend. He knew how I felt. He saw me in tears and entered the closet without saying a word, sat beside me and held my hand like he has always longed so long. I looked in his eyes and my tears continue to fall. He placed my head on his shoulder and I felt relieved. Tears ran dry and soon I was no longer crying. I do not know why but my heart found peace. We were like that for almost ten minutes.

Then you found us. I got back to my senses and released the hand holding mine. You walked away without saying a word. I saw the fury and pain in your eyes. I tried to call your name but realized that it had always been like this. I was always the one running after you. You never saw my tears. You never hear me cry. You never felt my pain. Should I always be the considerate one? The consoling one?

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Shameless Me

I never thought I would be trapped in this situation. My cards were declined! I have always been careful not to be caught in a shameful situation, but well, there I was. My two cards were declined amidst the long line at the grocery. hahaha. Strange... Though the situation was shameful, I never felt any shame that time. Wooh wait a minute. Am I becoming too shameless now? That's a shame! ooops! lol

(Sigh! I got huge credit now. I must pay them all... huhu)

My friend called me for a financial SOS but it became the opposite. I was the one who asked her help instead. I only brought with me two credit cards and a 200 peso bill thinking I got big available credit line but brought the wrong card with greater balance. Whew! At least my friend brought a little money to pay the half. Good thing too I was meeting a friend that time. I asked him help after. Shameless me...

I got home early as I don't have anything left in my pocket. No extra. Even window shopping I didn't dare. I might got envious with dresses on sale. Sigh...

My friend and I unceasingly laughed remembering what had happened. Even when I got home, I can't stop smiling about the incident.
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Just typing. That's all.

It feels odd to be staying in the house by this hour 'coz for the past few weeks and/or days I have been a constant resident of the office. It feels good though.

The day was too tiring. The office hosted a recorder competition in Calinan, and as usual I was one of the organizers. The pressure of the event and the intensity of the sun knocked me to sleep as soon as I arrived home this afternoon. I was glad there would be no more activities for me this year. I can finally relax. But there are a few other things more to consider.

Haaaay... taihen!

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Thanks! I Will Miss You!

Ever had the feeling of taking a guilt vacation? Wooh wait a minute what was that?

Well actually it wasn't that much guilt. I was just worried how will we ever go back to where we was without people noticing our getaway.

The vacation was filled with so much excitement. Although the place was not a place to relax, the company kept me enjoyed. I won't exactly share the WHO, WHAT, WHEN and WHERE details of this vacation. All I can say is I enjoyed every bit of it even if it was exhausting. And I felt I had never got the contentment yet. I want more of it but we must go back to exactly where we were. Thanks for the people who made this possible. You know who you are. I will miss everything about us.

From dust to dust, we got back to the reality. The tension just came. Now I'm afraid of what will happen next. It's getting darker in the dungeon.

And I'm back to being busy again.

I will really miss everything. The life I am awaiting for almost brings me to tears but everything must be set right and everything must be fulfilled. Should be no regrets. Risk.

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Soon...

The weather today is very great. The heavy and constant downpour makes me feel relaxed. For people with nothing to do, the weather is great but for people going to school and work it is very inconvenient. I missed the feeling of relaxing and I am looking forward to more of it very soon.

I am now anticipating the soonest possible moment when I will have a new me. The worry is still there but the feeling of moving on is greater than anything else. Nothing fills me these days but the constant hoping that I will finally be deliberated from this chain I was locked. A challenging life awaits me soon.

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Infertility

The flowers died
The trees ceased to bear fruits
The soil is not rich
But the weeds lavishly grew. Read more...

Oops!

For tonight, the time with my little cute brats has ended. The little one gave me a DIY beaded bracelet which touched me very much. I left their house.

I was now walking along the dark lonely streets away from their home. While waiting for the economic transportation in the dimmed corner, a vehicle passed me which I presume was the father of the little girls. I waved. The driver stopped and looked at me as if confirming if he knew me. I realized I mistakenly identified him. I looked down trying to cover the shame and so I was just texting my friend to console the feeling. He drove ahead. Hooh! I felt relieved. But wait! The car turned back. Worse, it parked just five steps before me. My knees were trembling and my heart pumping intensely. The shame was overshadowed with fear. I must not get nervous, I told myself. So I pretended I was not scared at all. The car stayed there for ten minutes I think and then off he went back to the other street. For another round, I felt relieved. Fortunately, the tricycle arrived and off I immediately got in. When we are about at the middle of the road, I looked back and found the car following me. There was an intense rush of blood felt. I was getting more and more nervous. Why is he following me again? I only mistook him as another person by waving at him lately but it should not be like this. The car drove faster than I was riding and stopped at the crossing of the village just before the tricycle arrived. I went down trembling with fear. If anybody looks at me they might notice the pale look I had. I crossed the street and stayed on the other side without looking at the car. I was about to ride taxi going to a party but the fear that he might follow me prompted me to ride jeepney instead. Whew! I finally got out in the situation. I do not know how I will ever go back this evening again in that place.

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In Time, We'll Know

The intensity of the heat yesterday caused me intense headache that I slept nearly 6 in the evening. Waking up today, the pain has not subsided yet. I was still holding on with the pain in the office not until I found out something. The emotions maybe more intense than what my physique is feeling coz I can no longer feel the bang in my head but the bang in my heart.

I have no right to neither get mad nor blame anyone for that matter. I do not even know how I feel at this moment. Maybe there are just few things that we cannot expect everyone to tell us. As we said, there are reasons for such to happen. In time, we will know. We just have to wait. Wait for someone to open up and tell us everything. And here we stay, waiting…

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Chasing a Guy

Wooh! I never thought we will end up chasing a guy on Saturday night. Was it still night or early in the morning? Whenever that was, the feeling was very odd... but exciting too. lol. Oh well let me go into details.

The whole Saturday was an exhausting day. I did work and play. From Fagioli to Brueggers' to Promenade to the streets of Davao, we unrelentlessly toured the city.

Autoshop was not our place as we didn't fit the atmosphere of the youngs. It was just too loud for us. After my friend's meal and a burger at 11PM at Bruegger’s and Spaceburger, we went back to the car and planned for another hop. As we were planning, my friend spotted this cute guy at Shiatsu, so she parked her car infront of the parlor and waited for that guy to come out. He went out the parlor, entered his car and started the engine. Now the two cars faced each other. We moved backwards so he can go out the area. His car's front light was too glaring that we cannot have a glimpse of his face. We were all staring at his car until we finally got the position where we can see the driver's seat, and the driver of course. Yeh, he was really cute. He looked at his left side (our car parked on this side waiting for him to move out) so he can check if it's safe to turn. He sluggishly smiled. My friend was twitterpated with the responsive smile. We followed his car but he slowed down. We drove ahead and now the two cars are situated side to side, we looked at him and my friend loudly smiled. (what’s the term? Lol) Now we’re ahead. We turned left to Torres. My friend on the backseat chillingly told us that the car was following us. We were all electrified and shouted but driving ahead, a car overtook his position. The vehicle between us broke the excitement as he turned left and was misled. That excitement caused us to move around Torres Ave. and look for him but we couldn’t find him anymore. We went to Rizal Promenade to check if he would party there but found my dear friend Chet and his friends instead. We stopped awhile and had chitchats for few minutes and off we went back to the massage parlor where that guy just went. We got his name but not his number. We again went back to the Torres area hoping we could still find him but unfortunately, not. At least we got his name and the plate number before we end our day. Whew! That was something I did very odd but exciting. Lol. Well at least we took part on my friend's excitement. We did that for her. ;)

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Short-term Amnesia?

Whew! Where have all those previous writings came from? I seemed to be a stranger to what I wrote in this site. lol. But really, I have difficulty remembering. Or maybe I was just too exhausted today to remember anything. hehe

The world last night put me into a stance that I woke up drained this morning. Whew! I could have slept in the office but I must not.

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The Instance

Because we are too concerned of great things, we fail to see little details of God’s works.

There are times when we feel that life has been so unfair, bombarding us with immeasurable obstacles but less of its breath. Unfair isn’t it? Yet we do not have other choice but to struggle; struggle until we finally breathe a little air and then struggle again, to keep living. Maybe that’s what life is all about.

We are like passengers of a drowning ship. We jump off the ship thinking that it will be safe in the waters and found out we do not know how to swim. We are drowning, but we struggled to flap until we reach the surface, reach for something that will pull us up and finally breathe. Lucky if we found something to hold us, blessed if we unconsciously lay and woke up safe in an island where the waves brought us. And we woke up thanking God for grasping us in the midst of falling. God’s mystery is at work. But if life is not for us, we are taken away with the darkness.

We want things to happen the way we expect them. When it did not work they caused us emotional turbulence and made us suffer. We are unreasonably hurting. For some, time may be enough to heal the cut. For some, it takes other people to come to their lives; open a window to the other realm and welcome them to their world.

Time heals all wound, they say. Yes. For others who believe that all will heal in time, they hibernate and let time erase the pain. The memories will still be there but no more emotions attached, for which is good. For some, both may banish. For some, either. For some, neither.

Then instance in our lives helped us in the healing, caused the change, or changes. It could be a situation, a place, a thing, or a person. The joy may not be lasting but in the end we realized that the instance significantly brought us joy and secluded us from the constant anxieties and fears, from pain. Indeed, we felt we have triumphed over them.

We then realized that these simple instances are proofs that God is still with us. That in simple matters God never abandoned us.

We then realized, “Yes, maybe God gave me that instance to bring me back to life.” And we thank Him for lighting the path again.

I may not have the chance to thank the many instances that came in my life but I am surely grateful for their presence. Thanks too for my friend who made me realized that God gave me the instance to bring me back to where I was.

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Incomplete

When we thought all is set, we realized it is not yet done. When we thought that all is well, we realized it is not what we wanted. When we thought we are contented, we realized that we have settled for less. And all of these because one thing, one part, one person, one instance, one life arrived and changed us, our perceptions, our desires, our dreams, our being, our beliefs, our struggles, us...

No people find contentment. We always look for something that gives us challenge and happiness. Something that fills us. Yes, contentment and happiness go together. The things that make us happy are the things that fulfill our wants and needs. Something we dream of. Something we crave of. Something we desire of.

When I thought I have settled for something, I realized in the end that something is missing in me. To cope with it, I fill my thoughts and emotions with strength, with will, with determination that I will and can live with the present and accept what it is bringing me. But then, thoughts of randomness began to fill me and it won't go away. Thoughts that I wanted to have, to become, to try that I believe will deliberate me from this longing, from this endless dream, from this constant what-ifs for so long. I tried to recover my strength and act that I am doing great but a pierce in my heart brought me back to my consciousness. Then I told myself, "I am not okay." Tears then ran down my cheek.


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An Escape with Punishment

Yesterday, I have escaped a while from the day’s labor but I think I have been punished too. *sigh… My head ached intensely last night that I felt very dizzy and almost throw up. Maybe the intensity of the day’s heat caused that dizziness. I was with my constant confidant the whole day exhausting ourselves with anything just to kill the time. After dinner with her family, I excused myself and went home ahead. The intense pain knocked me off as soon as I arrived home.

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Memories

Memories flashing back… Well, this is what my friend texted me as soon as she woke up this morning. Memories… Hmmm.. they were flashing in me yesterday. There are those moments when I doubt its sincerity but they are more overshadowed by great happy memories (because my friends lift me up all the times). We always sit and talk over a cup of coffee. (We just had a stop last night at Tata Benito's)

My life’s getting ordinary each day but two things keep me holding each day. No, three. :D My November, December and January. *sigh! And everything will end and begin next year.

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Stabbed?

Hmmmm when this news broke out 5 minutes ago, I never felt even a pinch of emotions. Why? Because in the first place I never invested anything to such. I was just enjoying life's stupidity and childishness. Thank God I didn't bother laying away my emotions on something I knew won't go any farther. So when my close friend called me breaking the news, I just laughed and said nothing, except for the thank you I uttered to her.

In the end, I was constantly laughing how everything went out that way and how everything had gone far. You see, life is just a game. May the best man wins! hehe At least it was not yet too late before I got warned. Yet I never felt being stabbed because I already guarded myself from the time it all started.

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You're Still Here

Thoughts of you still linger in my mind, in my heart, and in my soul. Do I sound so sentimental? Yeh I think so. But why? Why do you always creep when all else has been forgotten. And yet I realized everything was not forgotten for you already spilled a tint in me and it won’t wash away. After all that come and go, thoughts of you did not fade. It just seeped into the corner-most area of my heart that I thought it’s gone but instead just hiding. I wanted you to know that you tainted my heart but I can’t ‘coz even if this feeling caused me pain, simple thoughts of you bring me joy... even in silence.

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I Didn't Go Home Last Night

I had no schedule yesterday and I was hoping I would receive an invitation even if it’s the least invitation at the last minute of my working time. I was sent greetings yet I received no invitation. I waited the whole day until Thea, well as usual my constant confidant and the only person I could exploit time, proposed me to help her in her endeavor. I immediately accepted for four reasons. First, I don’t want to render overtime that night. Second, I don’t want to go home early. Third, I already set my mind that someone might send me an invitation and I should come. Fourth, to kill time ‘coz I was damn bored of this routine.

Okay going back. I immediately went out the office and met my friend for dinner and off we went to the place to start working. We did some revisions on human resources modules. I planned of not staying in the hotel overnight but when Thea was advised she’ll stay alone in the room I volunteered to stay with her, phoned my mom that I won’t go home. At first she refused but when she heard Thea’s voice in the background she agreed. Maybe she thought I would be sleeping with somebody else. Hahaha. That was too way far to happen. That was the first time I didn’t go home after we did overnight projects in college.

I slept, oh sorry, I napped for almost two hours. Woke up near 5 in the morning and started facing the laptop and keying and revising the module again. We had breakfast in the hotel at 7AM; arrived home at 7:30AM. I felt like I was floating going home. I came to the office near 9AM, late for our staff development seminar. I was groggy… until now.

The seminar ended four in the afternoon yet I won’t go home early. I think I will be needing more time to relax myself. I felt always in search but don’t know what am I searching, or who for that sake. My body wanted to rest but my mind and heart don’t want to be occupied with thoughts of anything. Gotta free myself from those annoying thoughts before I break down again.

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The Cat Strolled

The cat was lost but now it found its way home. After four days of spending time in the vast area of the city, I never thought it would come back. I never even thought cats have brains where their memory resides and that they were able to come back lol. Well maybe it's just their animal instinct. After that they'll leave you again. But no time must be wasted. You have to spend time with the cat and fill those moments when it was not with you. So enjoy the time and excuse yourself from your dull life a while. So I did.

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Covering Up

There you stood before me wearing that Mona Lisa smile. You didn't capture me. I tried to smile back but my heart is not ready to do so. You gave me an open arms but I was uncomfortable getting near you. I did not feel anything special anymore. I become numb. "Numb? Really?", I asked myself. But deep inside me a hesitant voice says, "Or was I just covering up so I won't feel pain anymore." Coz I know if I let this emotion go on, I will be choked with pain again.

I would rather be passive than to take each moment seriously. Let time alone dictates where I should be going and what I should be getting 'coz my heart was too tired of falling deeply.

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Always Vague

Here I am sitting infront of my pc, trying to get over the feeling last night. Have I overcome it? That I must still find out.

Oh. It has been few days already since I was not disturbed. I don't know if it's good or bad news but all I know is I miss the fun and stupidity. lol. Well if it's not meant for me then let go. I hope there are still a lot to get along with life soon. Vague? Yes, that's what I aimed for. ;)

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Why Am I So Distracted?

And the deliberation started and ended tonight...

I thought after confessions of truth everything will just pass as if nothing happened. "Why am i so distracted?", I asked myself while playing a game in my phone. I got up and opened my pc and started talking to myself.

Sleeping beside the person I hardly knew at all is despicable. Is it too harsh? Okay I say, uncomfortable. Why such feeling? Is it jealousy or is it just a mere feeling of being betrayed by someone close to you? I was feeling fine after all the laughters and serious talk lately but when everybody else left, I felt everything was serious and I did not know how to place myself in the situation. More with the people around me who are mostly concerned. I was stuck. Words were trapped in my mind and they could not escape my mouth. How will I bring back again those times when everything was just normal. Yet I could not. And now I do not know how my loved ones took hold of the situation. I know they were just trying to hide the pain and frustrations. I can feel their anguish and dismay. I wish I could comfort them but I found no betters words or actions to make them feel better...

But then... it was still not the end. Everything was just a beginning.

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There's No Place Like Home

I was always searching for a place to rest. I traveled and meet many faces. I found one. I thought this is the place I was searching for so long but I was wrong. I haven’t found happiness and contentment. The place I once wanted but ignored seeped into my memories again. I felt a little bliss then sadness. Bliss because now I found what I have been searching. Sad, because I already abandoned the place.

Realizations do come at the end and now I am afraid I won’t be able to take back the place I used to own. Is someone already residing in that place? I regret to have ignored what I could have called my home.

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No Title

The day was no good. My colds caused me intense headache and I couldn’t work well.

Everyday becomes ordinary. No zest at all. I am floating. I am tired.

I was bombarded with notes today that caused me another stress. Don’t wanna be tagged all the time. Please spare me a little time for myself...


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Shocked

I was busy working with our newsletter when at exactly 2:01PM, I received a message from a friend's friend explaining something which I really don't care at all. How would you react to something that is beyond your control? I mean, this friend of mine has his life and I don't care if he messes it up. It's his. It happened a week ago but it became a big issue in their community today. I was shocked when I received the message. I was emotionally disturbed.

Then here comes his friend explaining his friend's side that I misunderstood his personality. That I misunderstood everything that night. I immediately responded with both tone of sophistication and respect that I do not care who he meets with. Mean but nice. I ignored all the messages but replied once. His friend says he was reprimanded and they talked with their elder brother the whole afternoon. Since then I haven’t received any messages. I still hope everything would come out ok. Haaaay….


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Friday Night Gaga

Oh was I able to share what happened last Friday night? Again, screwing up was screwed up! Why do I always have a planned night that screws up?

We were scheduled to watch EagleEye that night but went out frustrated as it was not showing yet. I was furious but I couldn't do anything, at all. The usual? Thea and I hibernated for a coffee at the mall until my friend and officemate came after two hours. We stood up to change place for dinner. He did not bring his car. I sighed. We took the taxi.

We chose dimsum for Thea to eat congee. No congee. Our eyes met and sighed. She ate rice instead. After dinner, we went to Blueposts for billiard and beer but the place was full so we were forced to stay outside for a bottle of beer. What could have happened that night? Everything just didn't go well with our plans. My officemate went home early as she was drowsy and tipsy after a hard day's work and the beer of course. The three of us went to my fave coffeeshop to stimulate us and stayed for an hour and a half. Then Thea and I send my friend home early as we were tired talking to him hehe. The two of us went back to the shop and met another friend of hers.

I better not plan for my nights as it always screw up. That night was not too fulfilling but at least we still beat the cinderella time. At least...

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What a Day!

Yipee! This is my last night of being a tutor. Finally I will be able to breathe and party tomorrow! hehe. I already miss my friends. We will be watching EagleEye then anything else follows.

Odd. I have received two good proposals today. Hope it will happen soon. Another thing, I received a text message from someone who seems to be accusing me as the OTHER WOMAN of her boyfriend or husband (maybe). Gee. I haven't even heard from the man for four years already. Good I dismissed the issue in a nice way.

So tired and sleepy. I needed an inspiration to lift me up but no one seems to show a little compassion for me. haaay... bogoshipda!

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For Three Nights

I have little patience teaching yet I never thought I have tried one last night. And to think I was extending tutor to two gradeschooler girls. It was an immediate response from a friend who was supposed to give the service but since she was not available, I was referred.

The night was a little difficult in my part as I did an impromptu review of what I learned in my elementary years. Whew! I realized teaching is not easy. Learning must take place in a short definite time as I was paid for the service.

I will be of service for three nights. That means I have to cut a little time for myself and to my friends. I have even thought of giving up but I already started it so I must finish. Also, the children depend on me. Haaay… jaa ganbarimasu!

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The Music Dies

Tell me how to bring the music back to my life. I am tired. I am fed up. I wanna loosen up and escape but too much ropes were tied on me. Help me get out of here. The room is getting darker and the music is slowly dying. Read more...

SPILLING? SPELLING?

Thea, before you spill everything out, I'm SPILLING it now! Is my SPELLING correct? hahahaha!

I went out with some friends last night to breathe a little. From the office yesterday afternoon, I met Thea at gmall, sipped coffee and had little conversation. My friend came and I introduced Thea. We had dinner and we were driven back to the office where my officemate was waiting for me. She badly needed someone to talk to so I went back. We went to gateway to had some drinks. In the middle of the conversation, I mispronounced the SPELLING as SPILLING. I looked at Thea and I began to laugh hard, harder. Thea too. But my friend and officemate plainly looked us at and began to wonder. Then we explained why. Thea was laughing hard, saying our English diction and grammar would soon become poor if we continue to converse with these people. We were laughing hard. She said we do not need to be very particular this time as we were talking to them. I became too conscious with my English then; trying to speak slowly and clearly so I won't be making mistakes. Boredom hit us so we changed place and did videoke. Before the midnight strike, we went home. We were driven home but I insist we just drop by at Thea's place. I instantly slept when i got home.

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Weak

Head. Back. Arms. Legs. The evil is slowly entering my feeble body. It cannot fight. It is drowning... Read more...

Trust and Honesty

TRUST and HONESTY. Do these two words go hand in hand? Why do we find it hard to be honest to someone close and dear to us? Are we afraid they get hurt or are we just afraid they won’t accept us after finding the truth?

They always say the truth will set you free but when will someone got the courage to set himself free? Bearing a sensitive issue is very difficult and heart-sobbing especially if it is kept alone. It is a great burden. I know. Yet, people chose to succumb themselves to these feelings than risk and confess what is truly in their hearts.

I wanted to tell him I am here. That I can be his confidant. That whatever it is that pains him I can be his comfort. Yet, the wall he built is too high to climb and too sturdy to break. “Let time and nature destroy it”, I told myself, hoping that it won’t be too late before everything else falls apart.

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Into the Other Realm

I have entered another unfamiliar world. The fear has once covered me but as I opened my eyes I have seen a wonderful and interesting world. It may not bring me deep but enough to be explored by an extraordinary person like me.

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